Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent times, people’s tendency towards raising and bringing up offspring has
postponed
to Add a missing verb
been postponed
the
older ages. I believe that Correct article usage
apply
this
preference would definitely have a host of reasons behind it companied
by a negative impact on societies. Verb problem
accompanied
This
essay will discuss reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
as well as
drawbacks
.
Embarking on raising children lately could be assessed in two aspects, parents’ personal life and high expense. Recently, people have prioritized their achievements and Correct article usage
the drawbacks
promotion
rather than family Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
desire
. Fix the agreement mistake
desires
That is
, babysitting requires abundance
of Add an article
an abundance
time
and effort which consequently
, grab
Verb problem
gives
parents’
opportunities to establish their job security. Change noun form
parents
In addition
, in the worrying economic climate, raising a child not only needs time
but also
requires a high income to support their livelihood
, Change the noun form
livelihoods
such
as food, various curriculums and hygiene. As a result
, materializing a good salary would take a long time
.
On the other hand
, increasing the anticipation of ideality is the most important justification of
Change preposition
for
Correct article usage
the late
late born
. Add a hyphen
late-born
This
approach could hurt infants and mothers healthily. It has been scientifically proven that pregnancy has age limitation
, so being pregnant after a certain age could threaten both, Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
Correct article usage
the mother
mother
and Change noun form
mother's
babies’
lives. Change noun form
baby’s
On the contrary
, raising a child requires child-rearing skills for which baby sitters
could have adequate Correct your spelling
babysitters
time
to be equipped in that case through having one late. However
, it could be considered that this
may take a long time
, hence
, the age difference would increase between parents and toddlers. Consequently
, gap generation leads to hard
perception of juveniles andAdd an article
the hard
a hard
argument
.
In conclusion, people’s preference towards embarking on having their first baby lately has soared Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
due to
strong
desire to promote job Correct article usage
a strong
position
and establish professionally. Fix the agreement mistake
positions
However
, this
will consequence
Verb problem
result
to
gap generation and harmful effects on health.Change preposition
in
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Illustrating points with real-life instances or statistics can make the essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of certain ideas by rephrasing or elaborating further. For example, the phrase 'increasing the anticipation of ideality' could be more explicitly described.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough discussion of the reasons and drawbacks of choosing to have children at an older age, covering various aspects such as professional priorities and economic considerations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, offering a clear overview of the topic and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a good grasp of academic vocabulary and demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, which enhances readability.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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