It is important for people to take risks, both in their proffessional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?
It is considered by many that taking
risk
is important Fix the agreement mistake
risks
their
Change preposition
in their
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
lives
and their personal lives
. I think, if they take risk
in their Fix the agreement mistake
risks
lives
, they have chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
for
face to new and beneficial opportunities. So I believe that Change preposition
apply
benefits
of taking risks Correct article usage
the benefits
outweight
the drawbacks.
There are several Correct your spelling
outweigh
way
to take Change to a plural noun
ways
risk
in our Fix the agreement mistake
risks
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
lives
. For instance
, in contemporary times, corporate people
tend to quite
their Correct your spelling
quit
job
and try to become Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
due to
long working hours and bad salary
. It is a big Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
risk
for this
Correct determiner usage
these
people
, generally
they Add a comma
generally,
have
not Verb problem
do
enough
starting capital or business experience, so they might Add a missing verb
have enough
be
bankrupt their companies. Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, if they reach their aims, there are so many good things that
waiting for them. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Firstly
, if they increase their income, it is good for their both mental and physical healt
. Correct your spelling
health
Secondly
, they be able to make investment
more simply, they might help their parents, Fix the agreement mistake
investments
they
might Correct word choice
and they
saving
money for their future children.
Wrong verb form
save
On the other hand
, we may take risk
in our personal Fix the agreement mistake
risks
lives
. For example
, there are so many people
who I know going to foreign
country and Add an article
a foreign
change
their Wrong verb form
changing
job
completely different area. Being Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
a
immigrant person Change the article
an
also
have include
some risks. They Change the verb form
included
not
able to talk like Add a missing verb
are not
native
Add an article
a native
person
and there might be some lingual barrier Fix the agreement mistake
people
with
domestic Change preposition
between
people
and immigrant people
. However
, if they survive at
the developed countries, they earn Change preposition
apply
high value
money with a good salary. It Add a hyphen
high-value
affect
Change the verb form
affects
also
people
's retirement lives
too. If they save enough money for their elderly period, they live comfortable
and would not Change the word
comfortably
relly
on somebody.
Correct your spelling
rely
To sum up
, I believe that benefits
of taking risks Correct article usage
the benefits
outweight
the drawbacks. Because if they never try to be Correct your spelling
outweigh
more
competitive person in their life, they Add an article
a more
the more
propbly
live Correct your spelling
probably
same
life every day.Correct article usage
the same
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task achievement
Review your spelling and grammar to avoid errors such as 'proffessional' instead of 'professional'.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each main point. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Further elaborate your examples to ensure they fully support your points. For instance, detail how becoming an entrepreneur can lead to various positive outcomes.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay has some relevant and specific examples that illustrate your points well.