IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at school and at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #television #school #home
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With the rise in technology, a lot of new educational TV shows have come to light. People have started suggesting that
children
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 should be encouraged to watch
television
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 regularly at school and at home. I am somewhat neutral on
this
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 topic. On one hand, most people consider watching
television
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 in their leisure time, which makes it more focused towards wasting time rather than learning effectively.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 can easily get distracted by their favourite TV shows if they are not under surveillance which can hinder their learning.
Moreover
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, long exposure to
television
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 screens can cause
children
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 to have weak eyesight.
Lastly
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, it might not be feasible to have televisions in certain schools which can not afford televisions to be available in every classroom.
On the other hand
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, watching
television
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 can help
children
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 learn effectively because of the creative way of teaching it provides. It can
also
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 help
children
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 retain more knowledge
while
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also
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 making the lessons more memorable and fun because of the different animations available.
Children
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 can have different ways to learn
hence
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, making them more knowledgeable. From my experience, I was more focused
while
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 learning from the
television
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 and less focused when learning from books.
To conclude
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,
while
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 I think that TVs provide a way to learn more quickly and effectively, I
also
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 think that
children
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 should be in an environment where they would be under surveillance like a school so as to not get distracted and not in a house where they could get easily distracted.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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task achievement
Provide more balanced examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more credible.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Avoid general statements and offer more detailed explanations or evidence to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which framed the essay well.
task achievement
Your ideas were generally clear and comprehensive, covering multiple aspects of the issue.
task achievement
You used personal experience to add credibility to your argument, which was a nice touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • engaging content
  • language skills
  • pronunciation
  • cultural awareness
  • physical activity
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • harmful content
  • appropriateness
  • active learning methods
  • group activities
  • practical experiments
  • hands-on experiences
  • retention of knowledge
  • social skills
  • in-person communication
  • social and emotional skills
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