IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#life #improvements #health #people #age #sixty-five #lives #society #benefit #contribution
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Advancement in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 care system provides an opportunity for older
people
Use synonyms
 to live a longer and healthy life, and
hence
Linking Words
,
society
Use synonyms
 can benefit from
this
Linking Words
 in various ways. I completely agree with the notion owing to the fact that they have
abundance
Add an article
an abundance
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 of professional
experience
Use synonyms
, and they can lead
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
generatiosn
Correct your spelling
generations
generation
. Primarily,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 generation has rich professional
experience
Use synonyms
 in the field they worked in (financial management, customer support, doctors,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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, Human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 and so on) because they had invested a lot of time and gained
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of skills and expertise to do the job.
This
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 and skills can serve as a guidance path to the young professional in the given field.
For instance
Linking Words
, a younger professional in customer support relies on various
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to solve
customer’s
Correct article usage
a customer’s
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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,
whereas
Linking Words
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you give
this
Linking Words
 problem to older
people
Use synonyms
 who already have
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 in the same field
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 solve the issue in less time. If older
people
Use synonyms
guides
Change the verb form
guide
show examples
 young professionals they can perform
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 in less time which will
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the confidence to work effectively
Furthermore
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 can share
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 personal life
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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,
gives
Wrong verb form
give
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 advice on
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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,
friendships
Correct word choice
and friendships
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,
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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wisdoms
Change the wording
wisdom
pearls of wisdom
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 on living a healthy lifestyle,
Correct word choice
and cultivating
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cultivating
Wrong verb form
cultivate
show examples
 healthy habits for
mental
Correct pronoun usage
their mental
show examples
 state, and these can be done through community programs. Many young
people
Use synonyms
 are more inclined towards
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
advice’s
Change noun form
advice
show examples
 because they have no one to talk
,
Change preposition
to, many
show examples
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have proper support and guidance in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these are important
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of individuals in our
society
Use synonyms
 and
older
Add an article
the older
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 generation can help youngsters to reflect on these things
Hence
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 we can create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible individuals and
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 for everyone to thrive
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,
society
Use synonyms
 can be benefitted from
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 and
experience
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 over 65,
also
Linking Words
 they can help
guiding
Wrong verb form
guide
show examples
 the youth on relationships and with
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we can have a better
society
Use synonyms
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task response
To improve your task response score, make sure your examples are highly relevant, specific, and directly support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are well-structured, but you should work on making your arguments more coherent and ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
lexical resource
Use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance clarity and expressiveness.
grammatical range and accuracy
Check your essay for grammatical errors and inappropriate word usage to make sure your writing is as accurate as possible.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your main points effectively.
task response
You provided specific fields and situations where older individuals can be valuable, showing that you understand the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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