IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Despite health warning,a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.Why should we be concerned about this ?What solutions would you suggest?

There are many
people
Use synonyms
 who continue smoking globally,
although
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 it is associated plethora of health disadvantages that are well-announced. It
also
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 should be a concern for all residents as others are affected by its smoke too. In
this
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 essay. I will look into the reason associated with the issue and the way to figure it out will be provided. It is becoming
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 problem that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 is used widely all over the world and it leads a serious physical and mental challenges for
smokers
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. Despite knowing the damages of smoking, it is quite difficult to leave
this
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due to
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 that it has become a habit of these
people
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.
For instance
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, there are several psychological research that have pointed out that a number of
smokers
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 have pursued leaving
this
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 habit, but failed to control not using
tobacco
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.
Furthermore
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, much research on its impact on other
people
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 has been well announced nowadays that
people
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 who live with
smokers
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 are affected by the smoke as
smokers
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.
Therefore
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, the usage of
tobacco
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 has to be better acknowledged by all.
By contrast
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, some actions could be implemented to avoid its increasing needs. One would be educating
people
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 about its harm in their early life stage so that it could be introduced at school.
In addition
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, policies by regulators can be carried out
such
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 as restrictions on supplying
tobacco
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 in the market and increased tax rates on it can be developed.
Thus
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, better-informed residents and a number of regulations by governing organisations would result in a decrease in smoking. In conclusion, since the detrimental aspects of using
tobacco
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 and its impact on others have been well-known in many countries, an effective resolution
such
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 as educating kids and restriction supply can be done by governments.

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task achievement
The task response is generally strong, addressing both the problem and solutions. However, adding more specific statistics or detailed examples could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly developed with connected sentences. Some points feel repetitive or not fully elaborated.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
The response addresses both the reasons for concern and provides a solution, hitting all parts of the task.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory illnesses
  • healthcare systems
  • air pollution
  • cigarette butts
  • wildlife
  • marine life
  • deforestation
  • pesticide use
  • economic loss
  • absenteeism
  • early mortality
  • tobacco farming
  • second-hand smoke
  • strict regulations
  • higher taxes
  • smoking bans
  • advertising restrictions
  • support systems
  • counseling
  • smoking cessation
  • nicotine replacement therapy
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