IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some individuals say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#individuals #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Some individuals say that the main environmental
issues
 are because of
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 kinds of plants and animals. But, others argue that there are more important
problems
 like
air
 pollution.So,
this
 can be the main reason why our planet is so smoggy and foggy. On the one hand, the main environmental
issues
 come from smoggy conditions and lack of clean
air
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, there is a reason why we have a lot of
issues
 that make our planet more dangerous and uncomfortable to live here.
For example
 : The levels of pollution in Beijing routinely exceed safety limits set by the World Health Organisation (WHO). Many people, especially children, frequently wear face masks in urban areas to try and filter the polluted
air
.
On the other hand
, solving these major
problems
 makes our century more knowledgeable and experienced. These challenges have a more direct and imminent impact on the planet's health and human societies, resulting in immediate threats to our environment.
Moreover
, environmental
issues
 are a growing global concern. Among these
problems
, the loss of specific species of plants and animals is debatable.Some people argue that it is the primary reason they should give more attention to
environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
problems
 of our era,
while
 others contend that there are more pressing environmental challenges that deserve our attention. In conclusion,
although
this
 issue deals with the obstacles like pollution or low quality of
air
.
Then
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 global troubles should be prevented by the World Health Organisation (WHO) and
Countries
Change noun form
Countries'
Country's
show examples
 Governments or Healthcare Services.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly sets the stage for both viewpoints and your opinion. Make it a bit more comprehensive.
task achievement
Provide stronger support and more specific examples for both arguments. This will help in making your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have clearer transitions between points and paragraphs. It will enhance the flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit abrupt or unclear. Refining them would help in maintaining a smooth and coherent narrative.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces and concludes the topic well, providing a clear position despite some areas needing more detail.
supported main points
The main points are relevant and tied back to the task, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!