IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #bicycles #form #transport #case
Before the advancement of technology
people
 used to utilize
bicycles
 to travel from one place to another. These days many
people
use
 other transport methods as compared to
bicycles
 and the population can be encouraged to
use
bicycles
 to commute to their workplaces and perform other tasks.
This
 essay will outline two causes and how
people
 can be motivated to
use
bicycles
 and
last
 I will provide my experience.
Firstly
, there are many reasons why
people
 do not
use
bicycles
. The main important reason is workplaces and markets are far from their houses and it becomes hard to reach their destinations on time.
For example
,
people
 in Sydney work in the cities and commute long distances and it becomes difficult for them to
use
bicycles
. Another reason is that Separate bicycle paths and no reserved space in public transport
such
 as trains and
people
 cannot carry with them
bicycles
.
Moreover
,
due to
 fewer cycle paths, they
use
 the same road as other motors which increases more chances to met with accidents. Certainly, there are some options the Authorities can
use
 to encourage the cyclists. The primary factor is the Government must provide employment in local areas, so workers get jobs and ride
bicycles
.
In addition
, the Council must impose heavy parking rates for vehicles, so
people
 will start using
bicycles
.
For instance
, in downtown, many
people
use
bicycles
instead
 of private vehicles, which helps to control the pollution. My experience, I used to
use
 a bicycle when I was studying in school for less distance after I completed school and joined college it was a long distance from my home so I started using the public transport system. In conclusion, following the analysis of the causes and how we can encourage the
people
,
it is clear that
 the State must provide bicycle paths and jobs in local areas and impose heavy parking charges, so the population can consider using
bicycles
.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your arguments more convincing and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your personal experiences or introduce others' experiences to add more depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully identified the causes and solutions related to the topic, showing a good understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide a personal example, which adds a personal touch to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • cycling infrastructure
  • bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic calming measures
  • commute
  • subsidies
  • physical exertion
  • environmental benefits
  • safety regulations
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