IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults? To what expand do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
Some people believe that it is better to
be behaved
Wrong verb form
behave
show examples
 with youth committing
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 similar to
adults
.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement and have the opinion that treating these young differently from
adults
 is often advocated for several reasons. The first reason why I refuse
this
 is
developmental
Correct article usage
the developmental
show examples
 differences between
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 and grown-ups. Young people are still in the process of developing;
hence
, their brains are not fully developed, particularly in areas related to decision-making
as well as
 understanding long-term consequences.
In other words
, they may not completely comprehend the severity of their actions as
adults
. By recognizing these developmental varieties, the justice system can
as a result
 focus on rehabilitation rather than punishment, helping young offenders learn from their mistakes.
Secondly
, in order to
treating
Change the verb
treat
show examples
 young offenders
similar
Change the word
similarly
show examples
 to grown-ups can have long-lasting negative impacts on their future. A criminal record can severely limit a young person's opportunities for education, employment, and so on. In
this
 regard, the government provide them with a second chance to build a positive future.
Moreover
, when they
expose
Wrong verb form
are exposed
show examples
 to
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, not only are young
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 more productive, but
also
 the society is safer.
Therefore
, it causes reintegrate into society as productive members, reducing the likelihood of reoffending. In conclusion, recognizing the developmental differences or concentrating on rehabilitation and considering the long-term impact on young offenders' futures are crucial reasons for treating young people who commit crimes
variousely
Correct your spelling
variously
 from
adults
.
This
 approach not only benefits the individuals involved but
also
 contributes to a safer and more just society.
Submitted by ielts7683 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Try to include more specific examples or cases to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on sentence variability and complexity to enhance readability and flow. Varied sentence structures can make your essay more engaging.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
complete response
Your essay presents a well-reasoned argument and stays focused on the topic throughout.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: