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Writing Samples
Band 7

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from an academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressure #perspective #pressures #measures
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Nowadays, youngsters are under numerous
stress
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 and
pressure
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 from an academic, social
as well as
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 commercial perspective. These diverse pressures could lead to serious issues in a child’s development and achievement in future. In
this
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 essay, I will write about some causes and solutions to
this
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 topic. There are many causes that appear in the present time
due to
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 wrong
pressure
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 on
children
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. First of all,
children
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 who
had
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have
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 been subjected to excessive
pressure
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 by their
parents
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 to achieve great degrees at school might become anxious. So, the rate of their academic progress will sharply decrease.
For instance
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, the
last
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 Sohar’s school report illustrated that more than 60% of students became isolated and their study outcomes declined day by day because of bad motivation from their
parents
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.
Moreover
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, some
children
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 are facing more
stress
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 from social media platforms. The awful use of these platforms leads to bad comments or even sarcastic words (bullying).
As a result
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 of negative comments, the youngsters will have psychological health problems which affect their physical and mental development.
However
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, there are many guidelines to reduce
children
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’s
pressure
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. In the first step, fathers and mothers should be realistic about the daily
stress
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 that their
children
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 acquire at school or in social relationships. So the best solution is to attend regular classes for both
parents
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 and their babies to gain a clear picture of the
stress
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 in a child’s life.
In addition
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,
parents
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 should be focusing on communication tools that their
children
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 have to use to limit the networks’ bullying.
To conclude
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, having
stress
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 at a young age leads to serious issues
such
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 as lack of achievement and bad health. But have clear guidelines and attend classes to have a nice conversation with
parents
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 and
children
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 to go over the problems
Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on

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task response
Your essay provides a relevant response to the task and covers the main points effectively. However, there are areas where your arguments could be further developed and elaborated.
task response
Some of your ideas need more detailed explanation, and more specific examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear structure overall. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve readability.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary to enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion on the topic.
task response
The essay touches upon relevant causes and solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • globalized economy
  • rigorous testing
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • comparisons
  • aggressive marketing tactics
  • culture of consumerism
  • parental expectations
  • standardized testing
  • holistic approaches
  • life skills
  • creative subjects
  • digital literacy
  • critical thinking
  • social media pressures
  • supportive environments
  • regulating advertising
  • consumerism
  • material possessions
  • values of contentment and self-worth
  • open channels of communication
  • mental health education
  • readily available resources
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