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Writing Samples
Band 7

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

#part #everyone’s #life #say #lives
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Nowadays, the number of
advertisements
 has become increasingly high, Which can be found everywhere through the Internet or the streets . In
this
 essay , I will discuss why the positive points of advertising surpass the negative aspects. On the one hand, the perks of advertising are numerous.
To begin
 with, why advertising is more acceptable around people, it is because it offers them huge selections of material things they might need or even opportunities for jobs .
Furthermore
, some companies utilize
advertisements
 to recruit more employees .
For instance
, the percentage of workers who were able to find their dream occupation through
advertisements
 was higher than the ones who were going from one office to another asking if they were accepting new individuals to work.
Moreover
, the greatest benefit of advertising is informing and guiding folks of the chances they might have or
otherwise
, it would be a very hard process to find a new place to work.
On the other hand
, It is frequently believed that advertising has its good side only , which is a wrong concept to have as there are many
advertisements
 that are published all around different platforms that advocate for harmful things . To give a clear example, in 2017
advertisements
 for plastic surgeries were covering the streets of Los Angeles, USA that were mainly targeting young adults and teenagers .
Above all
, Some evil minds take advantage of advertising to spread false
advertisements
 for fake companies around people and scam them .
To conclude
 , In my humble opinion, I firmly believe that the popularity of advertising is beneficial for many humans despite the downsides.
Submitted by helpme on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay adequately discusses both positive and negative aspects of advertising, there is room for improvement in logical structure. The points can be organized more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is well-supported with relevant examples. The example about job advertisements is good, but more examples like this would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion provides a clear personal opinion that aligns with the points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The language and vocabulary used are appropriate and varied, contributing to a clear presentation of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • manipulative tactics
  • brand loyalty
  • target audience
  • consumer awareness
  • economic impact
  • social issues
  • materialism
  • persuasive techniques
  • unrealistic expectations
  • mental health
  • consumer spending
  • brand image
  • societal values
  • awareness campaigns
What to do next:
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