IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

People have different views about the choices of several
companies
Use synonyms
 to advertise their
products
Use synonyms
 by sponsoring
sports
Use synonyms
 events. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is the best option for
companies
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 to promote their
products
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 and have various
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 to
sports
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 members. On the one hand, there are two points
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 support
this
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 essay.
First,
Linking Words
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
 teams and players are given free equipment which they could not afford
otherwise
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. It helps to encourage the player to focus on their
sports
Use synonyms
instead
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 of being distracted by financial worries.
As a result
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, players will
have
Rephrase
not have
show examples
 any facilities to improve their skill and potential in
sports
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 that increase their chances of winning the game.
Second,
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companies
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 can showcase their
products
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 on donation equipment. That
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
build
Fix the infinitive
to build
show examples
 brand awareness of
products
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 with
sports
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 fans and make them think positively with a
company
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 and have demand to buy
products
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.
As a result
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,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 players have potential in their
sports
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 and
sports
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 sponsorship provides increased media exposure for a
company
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 and its brand.
On the other hand
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, some people argue the reason above because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are worried about product categories which
companies
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 sponsoring
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 harmful to health.
For example
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, tobacco and liqueur
companies
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 their product are unhealthy and have any
affected
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health.
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
 teams should not be allowed to sponsor
sports
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 events
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 protect player’s health.
Linking Words
While as
Change preposition
As
show examples
 the part of
Use synonyms
company
Add a comma
company,
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 they
needs
Change the verb form
need
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consider
Fix the infinitive
to consider
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 about
company
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’s reputation because it
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
 tightly linked to a player’s reputation. If the player is unsuccessful, or
misbehave
Correct subject-verb agreement
misbehaves
show examples
 it might affect product sales. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that to beneficial of
sports
Use synonyms
sponsoring
Replace the word
sponsorship
show examples
 by
companies
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.
Sports
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 members
are received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 various facilities to improve their potential
while
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Correct article usage
the named
show examples
named
Replace the word
name
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 of
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 will as
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 fans. So, I believe that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 to them and
essential
Add a missing verb
is essential
show examples
 to be successful.

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task response
Work on providing clearer and more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen the essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and each sentence contributes to that idea. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure, making sure your points are expressed clearly and correctly to enhance readability.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the essay effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The use of transitional phrases between points aids in the flow of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sports sponsorship
  • financial support
  • athletes
  • brand visibility
  • awareness
  • commercialization
  • integrity
  • dependencies
  • corporate funds
  • unethical practices
  • strategic partnerships
  • communal relations
  • promote healthy lifestyles
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