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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many coutries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the new born. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweight the disadvantages?

#coutries #women #maternity #first #month #birth #outweight
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In some countries,
women
Use synonyms
 are allowed to take some time off after giving birth. There are benefits and drawbacks to
maternity
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 leave.
However
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, the advantages of
maternity
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 leave outweigh the disadvantages
due to
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 various reasons. In the aspect of business, there are several disadvantages of
maternity
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 leave.
Maternity
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 leave could be an obstacle to a routine
job
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 because the company will lack a person who is doing a particular
job
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 every day for a month, and it is not worth the money to hire someone to do the
job
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 for only a short period.
As a result
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, other employees will have to be responsible for the
job
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, which may cause
work
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 overload in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workplace.
Women
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 who take
maternity
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 leave may encounter a problem with career progression because they would possibly lose track of their
work
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 or find difficulties getting familiar with current tasks
due to
Linking Words
 a long absence.
However
Linking Words
,
maternity
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 leave is advantageous for mothers. In terms of health and mentality, giving birth takes a lot of emotional and physical effort for most
women
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. Some may face risks or dangers.Some may still be exhausted from carrying a baby for nine months.
Therefore
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, giving
women
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 a month’s break will give them the chance to recover from fatigue and look after themselves after pregnancy.
In addition
Linking Words
, taking some time off after giving birth is considered a time for mothers to assist their
babies
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 in the early stages of life. Newborn
babies
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 do not have a strong immune system, so they can easily be sick or catch diseases. It is one of mothers’ main responsibilities to take care of their
babies
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 during the first month. In summary,even though there may be some drawbacks of
maternity
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 leave related to career growth or
work
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 overload issues,
maternity
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 leave is extremely important for mothers to recover and for
babies
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 to be protected and assisted during the early stages,so it is acceptable to be absent from
work
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 for a short period.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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relevant specific examples
While you provided relevant supporting ideas, incorporating more specific examples or data would make your argument stronger.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some of your sentences could be clearer. Try to vary your sentence structures and use connectors to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay, making it easy to understand your argument.
logical structure
The logical structure is well-organized, and your main points are clearly supported.
complete response
You addressed all parts of the task effectively, providing a balanced view of advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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