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Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It is said that taking
risks
 is a crucial part of human life; no matter in the professional or personal areas. There are some drawbacks and benefits to
this
, which we will discuss in
this
 essay. On one hand, the main merit of taking
risks
 is the chance of being successful. If you stay in your safe zone for a long time, you will never achieve
this
 opportunity to progress and develop your ideas and skills.
For example
, my father was a person who took a number of huge
risks
 and put himself in danger too many times.
However
, eventually, his hazards led to great success in the business sector.
Moreover
, I believe attending to risky situations can make you fearless. All of us would be braver if we had more adventure during our lives.
On the other hand
, there are a number of negative repercussions of
risking
Replace the word
risk
show examples
. Not all the ventures could lead to the amazing achievements. There are plenty of examples of failure that have happened
due to
 the fact of extreme ambition,
besides
 taking excessive peril. Unfortunately, most of the college students after graduation, are willing to obtain a great occupation position for themselves.
Accordingly
, they put all of their acquirement in danger for that situation and sometimes couldn’t obtain it at all.
Furthermore
,
due to
 the fact that in all of the hazards, there is a percentage of losing, you should consider that you may lose all of your wealth and become powerless. Like a great number of companies in Iran that invested all of their money in the stock market,
then
 became bankrupt; over the period of 2001 to 2004.
To conclude
,
although
 there is always the probability of failure, I agree that the advantages of taking
risks
 overcome its drawbacks.
Submitted by mahtaesmailian on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic well and discusses both advantages and disadvantages, consider expanding more on specific examples, especially in your second paragraph. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Though they do not heavily impact the general understanding, there's room for minor improvements.
coherence cohesion
To boost coherence and cohesion, aim to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the essay flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. This is good for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant to the points being made, particularly the personal anecdote about your father. This personal touch can make the argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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