IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of people who are at a risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

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Nowadays the problem of
obesity
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 is one of the most pressing ones in society.
Due to
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 the World Health Organization (WHO) whose research was conducted in 2022, there are 890 million
people
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 around the world who struggle with
obese
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obesity
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.
This
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 problem has led to
such
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 alarming consequences that
people
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 are not only at
a
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apply
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risk of illnesses but they are already suffering from many different diseases. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the reasons why there is an increase
of
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in
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 overweight
people
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 and find possible solutions to these problems. There are some reasons which have led to
such
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 a high rate of
people
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 with
obesity
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. The first reason may seem simple but, actually, it is quite complicated. Often, overweight
people
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 experience a lack of money, making it difficult for them to afford gym memberships or quality food. Unfortunately, they often cannot afford gym membership fees or buy quality food. Another reason resides in the lack of motivation to change something. Losing weight is always painful, hard and time-consuming. There is no doubt that no one of these
people
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want
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wants
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 to be overweight,
however
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, it is extremely hard to change all of the life-long habits out of the blue.
Nevertheless
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, there are some solutions that may help to make the situation better. First of all, it is essential to support
people
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 in their fight against
obesity
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.
This
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 can be done by installing more sports grounds in the cities.
Moreover
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, it would be helpful if there were some charity
organization
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organizations
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 that would donate healthy food to those who cannot afford it
..
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.
...
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Secondly
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, medical professionals and trainers could run free programs that explain how to exercise correctly so that it is effective and does not cause harm.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are too many
people
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 who suffer from
obesity
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, it is important to help them in their journey to lose excess weight.
This
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 will be hard but it is crucial to help those who need it.

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning a specific country with successful obesity intervention programs could add depth.
task achievement
Try to vary sentence structures and use more complex sentences to enhance clarity and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully expanded and detailed to further improve task completion.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing the issues and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph dedicated to a particular point or solution.
task achievement
Some solutions proposed are realistic and show critical thinking regarding societal benefits, such as the installation of more sports grounds.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • genetics
  • nutritional awareness
  • processed foods
  • fast food
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative measures
  • tax incentives
  • urban planning
  • community gardens
  • wellness initiatives
  • dietary guidelines
  • physical fitness
  • calorie-dense
  • portion control
  • metabolic rate
  • health literacy
  • food deserts
  • work-life balance
  • junk food
  • BMI (Body Mass Index)
  • non-communicable diseases
  • food labeling
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