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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who participated in various sports like
tennis
Use synonyms
,
basketball
Use synonyms
,
cricket
Use synonyms
, golf, swimming, football, and rugby in an area, in 1997 and 2017. The
number
Use synonyms
 of adults
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 depicted in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
,
tennis
Use synonyms
 was the most popular sport during both years,
while
Linking Words
basketball
Use synonyms
 was the least popular sport in 1997,
however
Linking Words
, it became quite famous in the next two decades, and the spot for the least popular sport was replaced by
cricket
Use synonyms
. In 1997, 50,000
people
Use synonyms
 played
tennis
Use synonyms
, which was the highest
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all sports, followed by nearly 35,000 individuals who preferred swimming. Rugby was the third most popular with about 32,000
people
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, closely followed by 31,000
people
Use synonyms
 who preferred golf and football respectively.
Cricket
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 was enjoyed by approximately 25,000
people
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
basketball
Use synonyms
 was the preference of only 9,000 adults.
Although
Linking Words
 the preferences of
people
Use synonyms
 changed quite a lot in 20 years, the popularity of
basketball
Use synonyms
 stayed undefeated, with 54,000
people
Use synonyms
 participating in
tennis
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who played football and rugby substantially increased to approximately 39,000. Statistics of
people
Use synonyms
 who enjoyed swimming stayed constant over the years. There was a rise in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 who played
basketball
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, to 22,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
adults
Correct quantifier usage
number of adults
show examples
 participating in
cricket
Use synonyms
 significantly decreased to 7,000. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 all the sports had an increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 participating from 1997 to 2017,
cricket
Use synonyms
 was the only one with a significant plunge in statistics.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, tennis, basketball, cricket with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • increase/decrease in numbers
  • trend
  • decade
  • relatively stable
  • major sports
  • potential reasons
  • contributing factors
  • public interest
  • comparison
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