IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people communicate using social media and the Internet on a daily basis. However, this led to an increase in online attacks and cyberbullying. What are some of the reasons why people take part in cyberbullying? What are the effects on children and teenagers who are victims of cyberbullying? - at least 250 words. - spend around 40 minutes.

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This
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 era belongs to a few technological advancements. Owing to
this
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, the ways of communication have changed a lot, especially with the evolution of the internet,
people
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 are using it in every aspect of life on
day to day
Correct your spelling
a day-to-day
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 basis.
However
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, a few
people
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 are using the
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cyber space
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cyberspace
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 to bully others by passing bad comments on the content uploaded by other
users
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.
This
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 essay will try to
elaborates
Wrong verb form
elaborate
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the
Change preposition
on the
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 causes and effects of
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cyber bullying
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
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.
To begin
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 with, first and foremost,
reason
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the reason
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 behind bullying is that
people
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 feel jealous of each other. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
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 influencers have millions of followers and in order to, de-mean them their opponents pass bad comments on their posts.
Secondly
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,
people
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 find
this
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 activity amusing. Indeed, just to have a little fun and to please
own
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their own
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 ego,
the
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apply
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social
media
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users
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 use
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cyber bullying
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cyberbullying
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 as a tool.
On the other hand
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, it has a number of bad effects, especially on the psychology of young and teenage subscribers.
Firstly
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, they may face serious health issues like depression and anxiety, which itself is a
life threatening
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life-threatening
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 situation.
For example
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,
according to
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 a survey, about 30%
young
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of young
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 ones feel depressed because they were
bullyed
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bullied
 on social
media
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 by other
users
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.
Secondly
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, they
does
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do
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 not feel related to
the
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apply
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society because victims feel as if every person around them will speak
bad
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badly
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 about them and they start
loosing
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losing
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 faith in
the
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apply
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societal norms and values. In order to, stop
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cyber bullying
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
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 a few steps can be taken. Most importantly, social
media
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 platforms should block the accounts of the
people
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, who take part in
cyber
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 abuse. Adding more to it, criminal laws must be coined against the offenders to penalize them.
To sum up
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, one of the reasons behind
cyber
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 abuse is rivalries and playing with
people
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's
psychy
Correct your spelling
psyche
, which
effects
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affects
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 young
users
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 badly. Now, it is high time to introduce restraints against
this
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 act.

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Grammatical Accuracy
Make sure to carefully edit your essay to correct grammatical errors, such as "elaborates" to "elaborate," and "play with people's psychy" to "play with people's psychology."
Specificity
Use more precise examples to strengthen your main points. The essay would benefit from more specific instances of cyberbullying effects and methods to combat it.
Task Achievement
Work on elaborating ideas more fully in each paragraph. Include supporting sentences that expand on the main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence by connecting ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your essay.
Task Response
Your essay acknowledges the main causes of cyberbullying and its effects, which shows a solid understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose well. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
Language Use
The language used in your essay generally conveys your ideas clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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