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Band 5.5

The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#internet #communication #media #people #support #development #effects
The spread of the
Internet
 has significantly affected the way opinions and ideas are conveyed.
Although
 some declare that the current tendency is advantageous
due to
 the fact that it unifies
people
 around the world, I argue that citizens started to disregard face-to-face interactions
due to
 the development. As social media is becoming omnipresent, the amount of information shared within the system soared.
That is
 to say, intercultural understanding has now become easier than it has ever been. Whilst
this
 may contribute to the creation of the international community,
this
 is a double-edged sword. Simply put, it can
also
 radicalise some
people
 who interact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 opposite to theirs,
thus
 inducing hate crimes and terrorism. Many
people
 are getting addicted to online communities. In short,
people
 cannot help but
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consistently stay online because of the sense of attachment.
Hence
, there are scores of
people
 who trivialise real
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 with friends, neighbours, and colleagues.
For example
, there is a profound social issue in Japan where adolescents do not want to leave their room
due to
 the excessive amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Internet
 usage.
This
 amply indicates one of the drawbacks of using the
Internet
, which arguably constitutes the basis of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In
this
 essay, I contend that the
Internet
, which is believed to unify individuals around the globe, can potentially elicit certain demographics who antagonise other cultures to resort to violence, which may cause hate crimes and terrorism.
Moreover
, the importance of having personal connections has been eroded
due to
 the preponderance of the
Internet
.
Submitted by 20dm056e on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both arguments and your own opinion to set the stage for a balanced discussion. This will help achieve full task completion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that clearly illustrate the points you are making. This will enhance the relevance and specificity of the examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas by using more varied linking words and phrases. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clearly separate the concluding paragraph from the body paragraphs. This helps to ensure it stands out and effectively summarizes your arguments and opinion.
task achievement
The essay introduces and explores both perspectives on the topic, providing a balanced discussion, which is essential for task completion.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed your opinion and supported it with relevant points, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported with explanations and some examples, which strengthens your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good command of language with complex sentence structures and a varied vocabulary.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant communication
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • data privacy
  • data breaches
  • mental health issues
  • excessive use
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • feelings of loneliness
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • public misinformation
  • societal harm
  • shared interests
  • engaged
  • foster communities
What to do next:
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