IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems

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There are many towns and cities built centuries ago that,
although
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 habitable and appropriate at the time, present difficulties and issues for the people who live there now. In my view, these problems can be solved by governments with enough budgets. Old urban could accommodate city dwellers now as long as the main problem, which can be maintenance cost
infrastructure
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, is addressed by allocating funds for renovation.
This
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infrastructure
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 includes
systems
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 water and sewage
systems
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, transportation, and electricity,
Besides
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 with the passage of time, these
systems
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 have become obsolete and can disrupt city life.
For example
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, roads, which are one of the main transportation
systems
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, must be transformed into highways to improve traffic flow and pipelines for water and wiring for electricity
also
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 need to be changed and modernized.
Additionally
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, in the past, sewage
systems
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 were often in the form of wells, but have now been changed to modern sewer
systems
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.
Therefore
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, the government can address
this
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 problem of ageing
infrastructure
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. Another issue that has to be considered is
population
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 growth, which leads to a shortage of housing. Modernizing household
systems
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 can help address
this
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 problem. In the past, was the
population
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 smaller, but the number of houses was
also
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 limited, they were large and villa-like and had traditional building
systems
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, which means that there were large rooms, yards, ponds and patios, which lived a number of people together in fact they were extended family.
However
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,
due to
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population
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 density, the need for housing has increased, and we are forced to change the shape of buildings from houses to apartments and even skyscrapers in order to alleviate the shortage of space and land. In conclusion, towns and cities were built in previous centuries which has created problems now
such
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 as the cost of
infrastructure
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 renovation and
population
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 leading to a lack of houses. in my opinion, adapting to modern needs and allocating budgets by governments can solve these problems.

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task achievement
While you've addressed the main points of the task, try to provide more specific details and examples to support your claims. This will help make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
It is essential to review and fix grammatical errors to ensure clarity. Small grammar mistakes can distract readers and obscure your main points. For example, ‘In the past, was the population smaller’ should be revised to ‘In the past, the population was smaller.’
coherence cohesion
Consider dividing larger paragraphs into smaller ones and using topic sentences to guide the reader through your points. This will improve the readability and logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task and provides a balanced view, focusing on both the problems and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical flow of ideas, with one point leading to the next. This is especially evident when you discuss modernizing infrastructure and housing systems.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overcrowding
  • infrastructure
  • traffic congestion
  • housing shortages
  • degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • energy efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • accessibility
  • sustainable urban planning
  • smart city technologies
  • green technology
  • regulations
  • sustainable
  • integrated
  • public transportation
  • pedestrian
  • cycling infrastructure
  • reliance
  • mitigate
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