There is no need to go out to see live performances (concert…) because it is better to see them on TV or computer screen. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that the idea of enjoying live

concerts

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or a computer screen is more reasonable than attending live performances in person.

However

Linking Words

, I disagree with

this

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statement, as both options have their own unique advantages. In terms of attending live

concerts

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, one of the most beneficial of

this

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option is to enhance

people

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’s experiences.

This

Linking Words

is because it allows audiences to immerse themselves in the vibrant atmosphere of the performances and listen to the artists in person.

Furthermore

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this

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option gives participants more opportunities to expand their social relationships, enhancing their life and communication skills, which are major factors in a successful and enjoyable life.

For example

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, younger generations in Vietnam can easily make more friends with similar interests and habits when engaging in live music performances.

However

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, I contend that watching live

concerts

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or a computer screen

also

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positively impacts

people

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First,

Linking Words

choosing

this

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approach can save

people

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more time. It means that going to the venue where the live concert is organized is unnecessary, as they can stay home and watch it on

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Second,

Linking Words

this

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option ensures the safety of viewers staying at home by minimizing the risk of potential accidents at events,

such

Linking Words

as being pushed roughly or even sexually harassed in a crowd.

For instance

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, nearly hundreds of attendees fainted after engaging in the concert world tour “Born Pink” in 2023, Vietnam, negatively impacting their mental and physical health. In conclusion,

while

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taking part in live

concerts

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can improve

people

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’s life skills and help them widen their relationships, watching these events on

Use synonyms

can save

people

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time and guarantee their safety.

MadsTue Jan 21 2025

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coherence cohesion

Make sure to clearly articulate your opinion at the beginning of the essay to provide a strong foundation for your argument.

task achievement

Include more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and fluency of your essay.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion that nicely frames your argument.

task achievement

The examples provided are relevant and help support your points effectively.

task achievement

The essay covers multiple aspects of the topic for a comprehensive response.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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