Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many situations,
such
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as birthdays, wedding anniversaries, or the success of a business, are coming up with a celebration. Some people might believe that celebrating is a waste of
money
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, but others feel that these are important things in the lives of individuals or society.
According to
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the celebration's cost, nowadays, there are various levels of spending
money
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, starting with having dinner in a restaurant, hanging out in a bar, and organising an event in a ballroom.
Furthermore
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, these lists depend on each family's status and occasion.
For example
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, if their children pass the exam with
grade
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a grade
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A
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of A
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,
then
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their parents can celebrate with their love food or a mini gift to congratulate their success, or the owner can perform his business over the target, so he can set a special event to thank hard-working employees.
Nevertheless
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, it does not mean that everyone interacts with these situations as same as in the above paragraph; some people still think that these are a waste of
money
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, even though it is just a family dinner. By the way, looking at the real reasons, we can divide into 2 main points.
Firstly
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, they would like to save their
money
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as much as they can, which these people already have long-term plans, like retirement, or school tuition fees.
Secondly
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, their happiness is not a big celebration, but it is just a quiet time with some movies or games.
To conclude
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, the celebrations have a lot of advantages to set up, like thankfulness, or congratulation.
However
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, these will not suit every personality,
for instance
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, introverted guys, who love to stay at home more than hang outside, or strict guys, who only follow their plans.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines your stance more explicitly in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point made is clearly linked back to the main argument, creating a more cohesive flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance your expression and make your ideas stand out more.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is a commendable strength.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the quality of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
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