Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction

Many situations,

such

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as birthdays, wedding anniversaries, or the success of a business, are coming up with a celebration. Some people might believe that celebrating is a waste of

money

Use synonyms

, but others feel that these are important things in the lives of individuals or society.

Body paragraph 1

According to

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the celebration's cost, nowadays, there are various levels of spending

money

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, starting with having dinner in a restaurant, hanging out in a bar, and organising an event in a ballroom.

Furthermore

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, these lists depend on each family's status and occasion.

For example

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, if their children pass the exam with

grade

Correct article usage

a grade

show examples

Change preposition

of A

show examples

then

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their parents can celebrate with their love food or a mini gift to congratulate their success, or the owner can perform his business over the target, so he can set a special event to thank hard-working employees.

Body paragraph 2

Nevertheless

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, it does not mean that everyone interacts with these situations as same as in the above paragraph; some people still think that these are a waste of

money

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, even though it is just a family dinner. By the way, looking at the real reasons, we can divide into 2 main points.

Firstly

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, they would like to save their

money

Use synonyms

as much as they can, which these people already have long-term plans, like retirement, or school tuition fees.

Secondly

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, their happiness is not a big celebration, but it is just a quiet time with some movies or games.

Conclusion

To conclude

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, the celebrations have a lot of advantages to set up, like thankfulness, or congratulation.

However

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, these will not suit every personality,

for instance

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, introverted guys, who love to stay at home more than hang outside, or strict guys, who only follow their plans.

majorbreakers

Apr 22, 2025

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Task Achievement

Consider providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines your stance more explicitly in the introduction.

Coherence and Cohesion

In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point made is clearly linked back to the main argument, creating a more cohesive flow.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance your expression and make your ideas stand out more.

Task Achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is a commendable strength.

Task Achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the quality of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

lavish parties
essential expenditures
financial stress
lasting memories
social bonds
emotional support
familial and social ties
mental health
community cohesion
cultural heritage
sense of identity
traditional practices
sense of belonging
continuity
unique cultural aspects
personal well-being
routine
life satisfaction
reasonable budget
cost-effective
potluck parties

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Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some companies use major sportsa events for promoting their products. Some people believe that is a negative effect on sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?

In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problems?