IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offenses
Today with the development of
traffic
 systems, more and more
traffic
 violations increase.
Therefore
, to deal with these problems, some
people
 suppose that governments or local authorities should punish violators with hostile
fines
.
This
 essay will present some reasons why I am convinced partly by
this
 statement. On the one hand, admittedly, stricter punishments can be only a useful and practical key to reducing
traffic
 violations. Another solution
such
 as putting up
traffic
 signs or dispatching
traffic
 policies may be inefficient ways to help roads become safe.
However
, heavily punishing can be efficient at a certain level.
Due to
 the fact that residents are always scared of heavy
fines
 as they can lose lots of money for each punishment.
Besides
,
this
 solution can have long-lasting effects. Might be the first time, that inhabitants do not pay attention to it. But, the more
fines
 occur, the more
people
 care about it.
Furthermore
, when more residents concentrate on the punishments and know how much income they will lose, they will become more law-abiding.
On the other hand
, there are some issues that need to be paid attention to. First of all, using too many
fines
 can be counterproductive. When
people
 are fined too many times, they will not be afraid of the punishments anymore.
By contrast
, might appear more residents oppose
this
 regulation.
Furthermore
, many
people
 can take advantage of
this
 law to excite conflicts and dissatisfaction between the authorities and local inhabitants.
Hence
, the state of the
traffic
 system could get worse. In conclusion,
although
 I partly agree with the opinion that heavy
fines
 for driving offences can be a good way to improve road safety, from my perspective, the governments
also
 need some strategies to raise the awareness of the public.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
To enhance this essay, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. General statements can be made more convincing with real-world examples or statistical data.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, but there could be more explicit links between certain points to improve the overall coherence. Using cohesive devices such as 'therefore,' 'moreover,' and 'as a result' more frequently can strengthen this aspect.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to make it easier for the reader to follow. The points made are good but ensuring that they are clearly focused will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in creating a cohesive structure.
task achievement
Your argument is logical and you have provided balanced views on the topic, which demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the task.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate for an IELTS essay, and your ideas are expressed clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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