IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Does internet need to be controlled by the government?

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There are many arguments
believe
Correct pronoun usage
that believe
show examples
 that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 does not require to be controlled by the
government
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. I think the
government
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 should control the
Internet
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 because too many
hackers
Use synonyms
 command mobile phones and other devices.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are
people
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 who post illegal videos.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
hackers
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 try to break through
people
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's devices to steal
information
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 about them e.g. bank accounts and
information
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. The
government
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 will protect everybody from getting hacked and stealing crucial
information
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. so many
people
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sue
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
hackers
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.
As a result
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, The
government
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 will arrest the
hackers
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 eventually there will be fewer hacking crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, application controlled by the
government
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 is used by citizens if they get hacked.
Additionally
Linking Words
, phenomenal illegal videos and pictures get posted every day that affect innocent
people
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 who regret doing the illegal thing. Many innocent
people
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 in the documents have not done anything. but, the person who posted it established it with a guilty conscience about the innocent faces in the video or picture. Some guilty individuals after a
while
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 get regretful.
However
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, they got exposed later the
government
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 arrested him. To illustrate, the
government
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 of Saudi Arabia has a Snapchat account that demonstrates the
people
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 who got arrested and shows the videos but the
government
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 hide their faces and blurs the video. In conclusion, I believe every country should control the
Internet
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 to help
people
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 from any
information
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 crime.
In addition
Linking Words
, many guilty
people
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 post what they have done.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
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 control the
Internet
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 to protect the citizens from any bad effects.

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task achievement
Develop the introduction further by clearly outlining your thesis statement and what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has clear topic sentences and that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Review and refine sentence structures to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, supporting the need for government control of the Internet.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates the author's position.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the application controlled by the government in your country and the Snapchat account in Saudi Arabia, helps to illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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