Does internet need to be controlled by the government?
There are many arguments
believe
that the Correct pronoun usage
that believe
Internet
does not require to be controlled by the government
. I think the government
should control the Internet
because too many hackers
command mobile phones and other devices. Moreover
, there are people
who post illegal videos.
Firstly
, many hackers
try to break through people
's devices to steal information
about them e.g. bank accounts and information
. The government
will protect everybody from getting hacked and stealing crucial information
. so many people
sue
Correct your spelling
use
hackers
. As a result
, The government
will arrest the hackers
eventually there will be fewer hacking crimes. For instance
, in my country, application controlled by the government
is used by citizens if they get hacked.
Additionally
, phenomenal illegal videos and pictures get posted every day that affect innocent people
who regret doing the illegal thing. Many innocent people
in the documents have not done anything. but, the person who posted it established it with a guilty conscience about the innocent faces in the video or picture. Some guilty individuals after a while
get regretful. However
, they got exposed later the government
arrested him. To illustrate, the government
of Saudi Arabia has a Snapchat account that demonstrates the people
who got arrested and shows the videos but the government
hide their faces and blurs the video.
In conclusion, I believe every country should control the Internet
to help people
from any information
crime. In addition
, many guilty people
post what they have done. Therefore
, the government
control the Internet
to protect the citizens from any bad effects.Submitted by Endo on
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task achievement
Develop the introduction further by clearly outlining your thesis statement and what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has clear topic sentences and that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Review and refine sentence structures to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, supporting the need for government control of the Internet.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates the author's position.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the application controlled by the government in your country and the Snapchat account in Saudi Arabia, helps to illustrate your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?