IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some say sports facilities are important and they promote healthy lifestyles while others believe they have only a small impact on individuals. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#say #sports #facilities #lifestyles #impact #individuals #support
Water
 supply is a vital part of human survival and there is an increasing
demand
 for fresh
water
 all across the globe. Humans are using more and more fresh
water
 and that has made fresh
water
demand
 a global
problem
. I am going to address some causes for the increased
demand
 for fresh
water
 and give some advice to solve that
problem
.
First,
humans are using
water
 more than just drinking,
for example
, washing laundry uses a lot of
water
, same as washing dishes and showering.
People
 even wash their cars with fresh
water
.
Also
, farming and agriculture are consuming huge amounts of fresh
water
.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That
show examples
 said, when
people
´s well-being increases,
water
 consumption increases.
People
demand
 more food and more comfort.
Therefore
, government should take action to help solve the global
problem
 of
water
demand
.
For example
, they could limit citizen´s
water
 supply, that alone will help to save lots of fresh
water
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should
also
 educate citizens to save
water
, schools and bus stop ads could be great places to start. That would increase awareness of the
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
demand
problem
.
People
 might notice how important fresh
water
 is.
However
, despite all the actions listed above, individual has the biggest impact on fresh freshwater
demand
problem
. That
be
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
 said, everyone should pay attention to their own
water
 consumption.
People
 need to think, about what measures they can take to save fresh
water
.
For example
, can they take quicker showers, and can they wash laundry less frequently
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Those are great small steps to take for lesser
freshwaterwater
Correct your spelling
freshwater water
 consumption. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am taking small actions to save fresh
water
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think everyone else needs to do that
also
.
Submitted by paronen91 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and discusses the causes of increased fresh water demand and potential solutions, which is good. However, incorporating more specific examples and statistics would strengthen your argument even further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Try using transitions such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to create a more seamless reading experience.
lexical resource
Avoid minor grammatical and lexical errors by proofreading your essay carefully. For example, "That be said" should be "That being said," and "lesser" should be "lower."
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding your argument.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and you effectively identify some causes and potential solutions to fresh water demand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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