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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of high school students having part-time jobs. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples.

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Nowadays, more and more high
school
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students
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 are working part-
time
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.
While
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 part-
time
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jobs
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 help these
students
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 earn money and experience, specific negative impacts on their grades, free
time
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, and potential risks ought to be taken into account. The primary benefit is achieving financial independence.
For instance
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, some
students
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 come from families facing financial difficulties and seek to contribute to ease the burden. Others aim to increase their disposable income.
Additionally
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, part-
time
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jobs
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 provide high
school
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students
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 with valuable skills
such
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 as communication, teamwork, and
time
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 management. These experiences not only equip them with essential life skills but
also
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 prepare them to effectively handle challenges.
Moreover
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, part-
time
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 employment offers diverse experiences, enabling
students
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 to engage with real-world situations, learn from natural environments, and gain insights that extend beyond traditional classroom or parental teachings. One significant impact is on the academic performance of high
school
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students
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. Balancing work and study
time
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 poses a significant challenge for them. Many high
school
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students
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 prioritize part-
time
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 work, which ultimately leads to decreased academic performance and less
time
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 for extracurricular activities.
For instance
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, I've observed that friends who work in the evenings struggle to find
time
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 to rest after completing their homework. Some
students
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 opt for part-
time
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jobs
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 to earn extra income, but
this
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 choice limits their leisure and rest
time
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 imbalance adversely affects their health,
well-being
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and well-being
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, and contributes to increased stress and fatigue.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 their lack of skills and life experience, high
school
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students
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 are highly susceptible to being exploited and scammed by employers at various levels. Given their young age and inexperience, they may end up in inappropriate
jobs
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 with inadequate compensation. In conclusion, despite the practical and financial benefits of high
school
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students
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 working part-
time
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jobs
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, there are considerable consequences to their academic results, health, leisure
time
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, and safety.

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. While you provided good points for both advantages and disadvantages, placing equal emphasis on them would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and elaborating them. This would give more depth to your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between your points and paragraphs. This can help in maintaining a consistent flow throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical connections between your ideas to enhance coherence. This involves linking your ideas more clearly to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages clearly, addressing the task effectively.
task achievement
Your language use is generally clear and appropriate for the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work experience
  • time management
  • responsibility
  • customer service
  • financial independence
  • financial responsibility
  • parental support
  • value of money
  • work ethic
  • disciplined
  • dedicated
  • academic performance
  • balancing responsibilities
  • decline
  • limited leisure time
  • extracurricular activities
  • hobbies
  • socializing
  • personal development
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • demands
  • schoolwork
  • well-being
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