'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?
It is argued that for individuals who do not use social
media
their career will be reduced in improving at chances. From my perspective, this
essay disagrees with the statement, I believe that people who do not use digital communication will rise in career chances. Owing to this
, social media
can be an addiction, in addition
, it can be harmful to mental and body.
Firstly
, social communication usually takes too much time
for the person
who utilizes it. If the user does not put a timer, he will spend a lot of time
without any conscience. Moreover
, the users sometimes do not care about their lives and do not do their chores because of think that they are in their free time
, while
, their duties are waiting for them. For instance
, those who are not using timers do not realize the time
, eventually, their work will be exacerbated, and thus
, their career will be affected.
Secondly
, digital communication can impact a person
's health, so, the work that workers get will be more difficult. Furthermore
, health is a fundamental factor for working without anything stopping the worker. To illustrate, if there is a company that wants to employ one person
, and there are two people who have the same qualifications. However
, one of them has good health, on the other hand
, the other has bad mental (it is clear just from looking).
In conclusion, social media
is a bad thing, it can steal someone's life without realizing that. But, if the person
uses a timer for the screen time
of the phone, it will be better, and more organized. So, everybody can use media
. However
, with the organisation for a time
.Submitted by Endo on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position. However, you could strengthen your argument by elaborating on how avoiding social media specifically improves career chances and providing more relevant examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on providing smoother transitions between ideas and within paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of your argument. Each supporting point should be linked more clearly to your central thesis.
task achievement
You have addressed the essay question directly and stated your position clearly. This is important for achieving a good score in Task Response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs for the introduction, main body, and conclusion. This enhances the reader's understanding and makes your argument more persuasive.