IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

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It is argued that for individuals who do not use social
media
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 their career will be reduced in improving at chances. From my perspective,
this
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 essay disagrees with the statement, I believe that people who do not use digital communication will rise in career chances. Owing to
this
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, social
media
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 can be an addiction,
in addition
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, it can be harmful to mental and body.
Firstly
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, social communication usually takes too much
time
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 for the
person
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 who utilizes it. If the user does not put a timer, he will spend a lot of
time
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 without any conscience.
Moreover
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, the users sometimes do not care about their lives and do not do their chores because of think that they are in their free
time
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,
while
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, their duties are waiting for them.
For instance
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, those who are not using timers do not realize the
time
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, eventually, their work will be exacerbated, and
thus
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, their career will be affected.
Secondly
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, digital communication can impact a
person
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's health, so, the work that workers get will be more difficult.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, health is a fundamental factor for working without anything stopping the worker. To illustrate, if there is a company that wants to employ one
person
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, and there are two people who have the same qualifications.
However
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, one of them has good health,
on the other hand
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, the other has bad mental (it is clear just from looking). In conclusion, social
media
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 is a bad thing, it can steal someone's life without realizing that. But, if the
person
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 uses a timer for the screen
time
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 of the phone, it will be better, and more organized. So, everybody can use
media
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.
However
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, with the organisation for a
time
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.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position. However, you could strengthen your argument by elaborating on how avoiding social media specifically improves career chances and providing more relevant examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on providing smoother transitions between ideas and within paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of your argument. Each supporting point should be linked more clearly to your central thesis.
task achievement
You have addressed the essay question directly and stated your position clearly. This is important for achieving a good score in Task Response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs for the introduction, main body, and conclusion. This enhances the reader's understanding and makes your argument more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Networking
  • Professional growth
  • Digital footprint
  • LinkedIn
  • Online presence
  • Industry trends
  • Personal branding
  • Digital literacy
  • Direct applications
  • Privacy concerns
  • Professional image
  • Career trajectory
  • Social media platforms
  • Traditional networking
  • Information accessibility
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