The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many
people
have an opinion that as time progresses, the average standard of an individual's health
will deteriorate in comparison to what it is now. This
essay aims to substantiate this
assertion.
Despite the advancements in the medical field, we have observed that the proportion of unhealthy people
has significantly increased in the past decades. One of the most significant contributing factors is Correct article usage
the sedantary
sedantary
lifestyle, which is becoming more popular every day. Correct your spelling
sedentary
People
prefer to stay indoors and watch television, instead
of going out for a walk. Even children nowadays prefer to play video games, rather than going
out and Wrong verb form
go
playing
sports. A recent study was done, where a cohort of school students were asked, if they knew how to play football on their PlayStations, and in real life. It was surprising to note that most of them could play it virtually, but very few knew how to play football on a field. Wrong verb form
play
This
study proves that people
have become extremely lazy, and consequently
suffer from severe health
problems, like obesity, atherosclerosis, weakening of eyesight, and many more.
Another factor that contributes to the decrease in health
standards is unhealthy eating habits and food trends. There is an increased popularity of fast and processed food, which leads to people
not getting the required nutrition. Moreover
, it is not just the
fast food, but Correct article usage
apply
also
fruits and vegetables are treated with chemicals, which undoubtedly decreases their nutritional value. In a recent survey, demographics showed that majority
of the global population suffers from at least one or two vitamin or mineral deficiencies. The lack of proper nutrition contributes Correct article usage
the majority
in
Change preposition
to
weakening
of our immune system, which makes our body susceptible to various infections and diseases.
In conclusion, I completely agree that with time, Correct article usage
the weakening
health
standards of the human population will decrease because lack of physical exercise and proper nutrition are the two fundamentals to attain a healthy body and mind, which are lacking Correct article usage
the health
from
our current lifestyles.Change preposition
in
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task achievement
To improve the task response, consider adding a counter-argument. This helps demonstrate a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, and consider using more linking words and phrases to aid coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to substantiate points fully.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the main idea of the essay.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the study on children playing football, are well-integrated into the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, an introduction, and a conclusion.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?