The devolopment of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think it will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken. Andvantages and disadvantages.

#devolopment #tourism #english #language #world #people #andvantages

Some people argue that as we live only once we need not save our income

instead

spend it now and enjoy the moment. Where

Change preposition

apply

show examples

on the other hand

, some argue that saving money for the future is very important because

life

is very unpredictable and

as a

result

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result,

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there is a chance we may use that money.

Apart from

this

early retirement is only possible with

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

financial planning. I completely agree with

this

view of not spending too much and saving some part of our salary.

Firstly

Correct word choice

apply

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life

is uncertain, and if we haven't saved enough it can become a problem. Health problems are one of the major

concern

Fix the agreement mistake

concerns

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because

now days

Correct the word

nowadays

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hospital bills can go up to lakhs of rupees and if we haven't planned our finances correctly we may face an issue of paying for

those expenditure

Change the determiner

that expenditure

those expenditures

show examples

For example

, when people

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lost their jobs during

covid

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COVID-19

, and many people were getting infected by

this

virus, there were individuals who had not saved enough,

were

Correct word choice

and were

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

big trouble as they could not pay for their daily needs.

Hence

, saving for

such

unpredicted events is very important.

Secondly

, when we plan our finances by investing in

a mutual funds

Correct the article-noun agreement

mutual funds

a mutual fund

show examples

properly we can retire very early.

That is

after we have retired from our

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

we need to have enough money so that we

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

live the rest of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

peacefully.

For instance

, when a young employee

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apply

show examples

26 years old saves up to 10000 Rs and invests that amount in SIP for

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

20 years,

then

he can easily retire by the age of 45 years and after

that

Add a comma

that,

show examples

he would get approximately 80000 Rs per month which I feel is enough for leading a good

life

Therefore

, proper saving and investing can help us plan for early retirement. In conclusion, I believe that if we start saving some part of our income regularly and invest it in

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

place, it not only helps in securing our future but

also

ensures that we can retire at a very early age.

Submitted by yashaswikhot on Sat Aug 31 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, to improve the logical flow, consider using more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.

Task Achievement

You provided relevant examples and clearly articulated your points. To achieve a higher score, try to delve deeper into the examples and expand your ideas further, offering more detailed explanations.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has minor grammatical errors and typographical mistakes. Proofreading your work can help eliminate these and make your writing more polished. For example, 'now days' should be 'nowadays,' and 'andvantages' should be 'advantages.'

Task Achievement

Your essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument and providing clear reasoning for your stance.

Task Achievement

You provided specific examples that strengthened your argument and made your essay more compelling.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument, which is an essential component for high scoring essays.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

346 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The devolopment of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think it will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken. Andvantages and disadvantages.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Your friend has a travel company and would like you to come and work with him. Write a letter replying to your friend's offer. In your letter: •explain what you know about your friend's company •choose whether you accept or decline the offer •give reasons for your choice

Some parents believe that their children their children should do extra curricular activities after shcool. Others say in this was, children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that children should only read academic book. Other believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?