IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In more and more countries, people choose to give money on special occasions rather than giving gifts chosen personally.Why might this be the case? Is it a positive or a negative development

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In an attempt to not offend someone,
people
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 these days have started to hand out
money
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 as
gifts
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 rather than giving them chosen
gifts
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. Like everything,
this
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 cause has its own advantages and disadvantages.
This
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 essay will examine both sides of the case and deduce if gifting someone
money
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 is a positive or negative development. On one hand,
people
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 these days prefer to be gifted
money
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, one of the main reasons for
this
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 is because they do not want unnecessary things they do not like and would rather prefer
money
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 which they can use on something they want
while
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also
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 reducing unnecessary space consumed by personal
gifts
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who send
money
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 as
gifts
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 from different countries
also
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 help the country's economy which giving
gifts
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 can not.
Furthermore
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, gifting
money
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 acts like a
last
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 resort to
people
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 who have forgotten to buy personal
gifts
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 or have no idea of the
recipients
Change to a genitive case
recipient's
recipients'
show examples
 personal choices and
hence
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, is a more flexible way of gifting for
people
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 with busy lifestyles as it caters to their desires and needs.
Lastly
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, gifting
money
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 is more helpful for the recipient in times when the economy is very unpredictable.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 are more appreciative towards giving
gifts
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 personally as they appreciate
people
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 putting thought and time into deciding their gift.
Moreover
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, giving
people
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 personal
gifts
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 helps run local gifting businesses which have taken a loss since
people
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 have started to gift
money
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.
To conclude
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, paying with
money
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 is a more viable option as it caters to the needs of the recipient is
hence
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,has a positive development.

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grammar spelling
Be careful with grammatical errors and typos. Edit your work to ensure proper sentence structure and punctuation. For instance, 'this cause has its own advantages and disadvantages' should use 'this practice' or 'this trend' instead of 'this cause.'
development
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could provide an example of a local business benefiting from personal gift-giving or an instance where monetary gifts were particularly helpful to the recipient.
clarity
Remember to refine your sentences to avoid awkward phrasing. For example, the sentence 'paying with money is a more viable option as it caters to the needs of the recipient is hence,has a positive development' could be improved for clarity and flow.
structure
The essay has a clear, logical structure with understandable points. Your paragraphs are organized and follow a logical progression, which makes your argument easy to follow.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and indicates that you will consider both sides of the argument. Similarly, the conclusion provides a clear stance on the matter.
content
You presented comprehensive ideas and addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial flexibility
  • recipient
  • unwanted gift
  • busy lifestyles
  • cultural shifts
  • socially acceptable
  • monetary gifts
  • practical
  • uncertain economic times
  • essential expenses
  • personal preferences
  • tastes and preferences
  • safer choice
  • climate consciousness
  • waste and sustainability
  • unnecessary production and consumption
  • freedom to choose
  • recipient’s needs and desires
  • giving money
  • special occasions
What to do next:
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