IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays, urban
areas
 are the destination for many
country
people
,
as a result
, the number of
people
 who live outside the
cities
 is dropping. In my opinion,
this
 will have a negative impact on the economy of the state and will affect the social life in the rural
areas
.
First,
the vast majority of the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
 work in agriculture, they have a huge effect on the economy. Their knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 farming and experience could create relations with other countries, as they will export their good products.
For example
, raising camels in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
people
 has opened a new door for Australia in trading with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Middle Eastern countries, as they eat camels and use them in some sports.
In addition
, the goods consumption will increase, but the production will decrease because the farmers have left their farms to live in the
cities
.
Secondly
,
due to
 the continuous decrease in the quantity of the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
, the social side will fade away in rural parts. The farmers will start to lose their connection with each other because of the
cities
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 hectic life.
For instance
, many rural
people
 have begun to depend on machines more, as many of the
people
 that they know have travelled to live in urban
areas
.
Furthermore
, a large amount of the
country
people
 will start to think about living in the
cities
, seeking to have friends and relations. In conclusion, I believe that the idea of leaving the rural
areas
 to live in the
cities
 is not a privilege, and will damage the
country
 financially and will break the connections between
country
people
 which will create a weak community.
Submitted by okalqusay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, consider developing each of your points further. Adding more detailed examples and expanding your reasoning will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will make your essay flow better and be easier for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, which helps give the essay a solid framework.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the task, providing a thorough response with relevant points and examples.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and easy to follow, which enhances the readability of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: