The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?
Over the past few years, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of overweight children and adults, which is
one
of the most (vexing/alarming/disturbing) health dilemmas worldwide. this
problem, it is equally significant to investigate its root causes. will be reviewed.
To begin
with, one
of the most critical factors for increasing people's weight is consuming unhealthy food
. Not only does junk food
have a deleterious impact on physical development, but it also
detrimentally affects the functions of the human brain. This
is because it is rich in calories, which are unfavourably converted to unwholesome fats that are likely to lead to both chronic and cardiovascular diseases. Another essential source of fatness is the late dinner. If one
has a fat-rich meal immediately before sleeping, the stomach will not get adequate time to digest; accordingly
, the body will be (prone to/exposed to/ vulnerable to) diabetes and other risks. Furthermore
, the sedentary lifestyle also
could be harshly blamed. A large number of the public has jobs that do not allow them to move; consequently
, most of the day is spent either on the office chair or the seat of the vehicle.
However
, all sectors of society are required urgently to share the responsibility to put an end to this
alarming concern. Firstly
, limiting the volume of convenience and fast food
consumed is one
of the fundamental procedures to counteract the escalated dangers of obesity. Parents need to watch the diet of their families and encourage their offspring to eat wholesome meals which should be void of fats and full of vegetables, fruits, nuts, and grains. Additionally
, housewives could follow healthy recipes in preparing their family food
by replacing animal-based fats with vegetable-based oil. Moreover
, the public lifestyle should be ameliorated and more time could be allocated for exercise and avoiding/evading snacks while
watching TV for long hours.
To recapitulate, it is widely acknowledged that the factors of obesity mainly emanate from unwholesome food
and unsound lifestyle
; Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
however
, some positive actions could be taken by the public and decision-makers to mitigate or eradicate the unfavourable effects of this
wide-grown concern.Submitted by holamonem79 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to better use linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point of the paragraph.
Task Achievement
Including more specific examples and evidence can help to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Avoid using informal language like 'kids'. Use more formal equivalents such as 'children' instead.
Task Achievement
The essay covers the main reasons for the increase in overweight individuals comprehensively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively recaps the main points of the essay, providing a clear summary.
General
The essay contains sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures, enhancing readability.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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