IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people argue that because the internet make it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. instead they should focus on developing children's skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Schools should encourage the study of social and other
skills
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 of students
instead
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 of
facts
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due to
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 easy access to
facts
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 on
internet
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the internet
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. I partially agree with
this
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 statement, because there are lots of invalid
information
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 on the web. On the one hand, teaching life
skills
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 can encourage
bright
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a bright
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 future
of
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for
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new
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the new
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 generation. The reason is, via learning
skills
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 children are more likely to find their future job easily and set career.
For example
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, youngsters who learn about communication with others
,
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apply
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will have more leadership power than others which helps
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 have more
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to be employed.
In addition
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, when children learn
skills
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 from
subject
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subjects
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 that they adore, they will choose their job earlier, which leads to
set
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setting
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 career goals
fast
Rephrase
quickly
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. If various
facts
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 are being presented to them
instead
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 of
skills
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, it may have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on the way of
building
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build
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 their futures.
On the other hand
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,
facts
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which
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apply
show examples
learned from the internet can be dangerous. Because
,
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apply
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 there are amount number of irrelevant
information
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 on the web
and
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apply
show examples
lots of them are created by people to increase the
active
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activity
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 on their sites.
For instance
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, there are numerous
of
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apply
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health sites, which give wrong
information
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 about treating people’s pains or illnesses. They recommend unnecessary pills or wrong ways of treating, which
as a result
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 may cause serious health problems. If schools do not provide valid
facts
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 to
student
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students
show examples
, youngsters may learn unnecessary and fake
information
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 from the web.
To sum up
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 , teaching
skills
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instead
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 of
facts
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on
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in
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 schools has both advantages and disadvantages.
While
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 it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 impact on students future , it can be difficult to find reliable
information
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 on the internet.

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph logically leads to the next, enhancing the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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