Some people think that the only purpose of work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #purpose #work #money

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Since the beginning of humanity, individuals have been in a constant state of development. During

this

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process, each individual progresses to certain areas and improves himself/herself in these areas. In

this

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way, professions that will be helpful to not only themselves

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apply

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but

also

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society have occurred.

Therefore

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, a salary policy was arranged by the government to encourage them. Some people might think human beings

work

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harder to gain more money.

However

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, I believe that there are many other reasons to

work

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hard. First of all, in the modern world, men and women should gain money to carry for their needs.

Besides

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the basic needs,

such

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as food, house, clothes, and so on, they have more luxury requirements

such

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as entertainment, social life, and travelling.

Furthermore

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, there are some obligations that human beings need to do as citizens like paying bills and taxes. Because of that, sometimes they have to

work

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harder and longer to achieve these goals.

On the other hand

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, people are always in a passion to upgrade themselves. Because of that, they choose an occupation that they can develop themselves.

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, when men and women make an effort to be in a higher place in their professions, they can reach satisfaction.

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, they can become a role model for others. So, humanity can grow and civilization can develop. In conclusion, gaining money can be the main reason for people to

work

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hard, but it is not the only reason for that.

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to other individuals who think that way, there are lots of different beneficial incomes of working in my opinion.

Submitted by bloodylady on Sun Sep 01 2024

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task achievement

Work on providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help to make your points more concrete and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Although the essay is generally coherent and well-structured, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for an even better flow.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for the argument.

task achievement

You have addressed the task prompt comprehensively, discussing the given statement and presenting your own viewpoint effectively.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

personal fulfillment
professional growth
acquiring new skills
value in the job market
passion and interest
joy and purpose
social impact
make a difference in society
contribute to their community
positive impact on the world
recognition and status
accolades
prestigious reputation
sense of accomplishment
challenge themselves

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Some people think that the only purpose of work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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