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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that
children
Use synonyms
 should be entitled to additional duties,
while
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 others believe it is unnecessary and
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
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 them live a carefree life. I personally agree with
this
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 statement and will discuss both views in
this
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 essay. In many parts of the world, especially in Asia; the kids undergo strict parenting and rigorous routines. By inculcating
such
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 an environment, it is believed that they develop strong interpersonal and intellectual skills early in their lives.
Such
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 treatment enables them to be aware of their surroundings and to be better prepared to cope with the difficulties of adult life.
Children
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 who have endured additional tasks and responsibilities are reported to perform better in schools, specifically, they tend to outperform brilliantly in mathematics and science.
Furthermore
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, these
children
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 are habitual in living in survival environments and tend to make optimum life decisions throughout their lives.
For instance
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, in China, it is illegal for kids to play online games
such
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 as PUBG, or Call of Duty, because it wastes their time and degrades their performance in school.
Instead
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, they are required to attend compulsory gymnastics training daily to remain healthy and active in school.
On the other hand
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, burdening young
children
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 is not good for their mental health. They already have to focus on cognitive-intensive science and mathematical subjects, and often it is challenging for a kid to focus on studies
along with
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 extracurricular activities.
This
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 can result in average academic performance and poor decision-making capabilities.
Besides
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, they are too young for
this
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 and need to spend their time playing with others in order to build confidence, which in turn will help them to explore and know
this
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 world better.
For example
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, the UN Charter of Education has advised primary education institutions to not allow more than 4 hours of tuition
,
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apply
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 and to have 2 hours of playtime allocated daily for mental and physical health.
To conclude
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, I believe kids are not meant to worry about things they have to do when they grow up,
instead
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; they should be free to have fun and live their lives to the fullest.

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task achievement
Ensure that you clearly state your viewpoint in the introduction to help set the tone for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the transition between paragraphs to maintain a seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to keep the writing engaging and dynamic.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, providing specific examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, setting up the essay and wrapping it up effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to China's policy on online gaming and the UN Charter of Education.
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