IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that the responsibility for providing education should be borne only by the government and that private education should be banned. What are the main advantages of banning private education? Are there any circumstances ehre private education should be allowed? What is your own opinion on the matter?

#people #responsibility #education #government #circumstances #ehre #matter
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a well-known fact that
education
Use synonyms
 has been the most essential in
people
Use synonyms
's lives throughout history. Nowadays, it is provided by both public and private
schools
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 feel that the responsibility for providing
education
Use synonyms
 should be held up by the government and private studies should be banned.
However
Linking Words
, there are circumstances where the private school should be encouraged. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both points with relevant examples and evidence. On one hand, when educational facilities are run by the government, everyone will be able to access them. Every student will have equal opportunities to learn, as
education
Use synonyms
 provided by public
schools
Use synonyms
 is at no cost,
as a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 below the poverty line can study there for free.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the above, if private institutes are banned, there can be a big demolition between poor and rich,
hence
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 can attributed to mixing
people
Use synonyms
 with all financial backgrounds.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, no one can forget the benefits of studying in a private school.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are plenty of opportunities provided by private
schools
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they give a chance to the students to study abroad, providing them with scholarships,
therefore
Linking Words
 students studying there will have more scope to shape their future.
Although
Linking Words
 the fees and investment are high in private
schools
Use synonyms
,
Add an article
the
a
show examples
student will have the opportunity to explore multiple resources to work on their weakness and interests.
For instance
Linking Words
, well-designed and well-equipped classrooms and multiple sports activities ensure that student can investigate their talent.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , in my opinion, even though there are circumstances our world would be a better place if there were only public
schools
Use synonyms
. There is no doubt that it is the government's responsibility to provide good
education
Use synonyms
, so there is no need for
people
Use synonyms
 in the private sector for a better future.
Submitted by mubassirakolia78 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. Real-world instances can enhance the effectiveness of your points and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more clearly articulated. Consider revising for better clarity and ensuring each sentence adds value to the point being discussed.
task achievement
Avoid generic phrases such as 'there is no doubt...'. Instead, assert your argument with more confidence and specificity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and states the intention to discuss both viewpoints. This is effective in informing the reader what to expect in the essay.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with paragraphs that signify shifts in arguments, making it easier to follow your line of thought.
supported main points
Multiple points of view are presented, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: