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Band 4

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to slove them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures #slove
so for the people that prefer to live their whole lives in the same area sometimes it's not their choice to stay in the same
place
 forever maybe they have to stay because they have to take care of their families or their work and have them to stay at the same
place
 or they have some fears of changing their whole lifestyle and afraid of the changes but for those who move very often they always like to try
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new things in life , get to know new people new places new cultures get to know the community of the city they moved to every time and it's fun but sometimes
that it's
Correct pronoun usage
that's
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 not the reason for the change maybe it's because of their work and they have to move all the time So
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 prefer to stay
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same
place
 and not move ever because for me
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see the
place
 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 live in currently
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the best city in the world may be
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 personal for me and lot of people will disagree but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 love
this
place
 from
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was young , maybe
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will visit some places soon but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 live
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don't think so , the only reason that will make me leave my city is to study in college and that's it and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think you have to leave to chase your dream even if that dream make leave something you love but
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not always bad
Submitted by azaxz039 on

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introduction conclusion present
Begin your essay with a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. An introduction should catch the reader’s attention and provide a roadmap for your essay.
logical structure
Develop a more structured organization with distinct paragraphs for different points. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence introducing the main idea for that section.
supported main points
Include specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make sure to address all parts of the task comprehensively. Expand on why certain factors cause people to stay in one place or move frequently and link them back to the main argument.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic with a preference for staying in one place, which helps in expressing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay touches on multiple perspectives, considering both those who stay in one place and those who move frequently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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