IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other s think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own oipinion.

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A few individuals think that advertisements are successful in persuading customers to buy products and services,
while
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 others believe because of the large number of commercials,
people
Use synonyms
 pay very little attention to them. Marketing contributed to the dramatic revenue growth of some companies;
however
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, others have very little impact on their income stream. On one hand, big organizations tend to spend heavily on TV commercials and social media marketing aiming to raise sales.
For example
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, Apple, the largest company in the world, increased the sale of new items mainly contributing to billboard and TV promotions. Most of the budget is allocated to market the goods to persuade the masses to buy.
Therefore
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, companies show significant evidence that
people
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 buy more advertised products.
On the other hand
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, some entities invest a large proportion of their capital to compete with rivals and increase market share.
However
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, they fail to reach the planned outcome as
people
Use synonyms
 do not concentrate much on their promotional videos or hoardings.
For instance
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, YouTube, a video-streaming company revealed in 2019 that as all the social media giants earn heavily from showing ads on their platforms,
due to
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 their regular pop up on the screens 70% of
people
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 always skip advertisements to view the main content.
Thus
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, individuals abstain from watching these again and again.
To conclude
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, I believe
although
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people
Use synonyms
 do not pay attention to some channels;
however
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, advertisements through billboards and other media still persuade many to make a buy decision. These channels are used because of their independent nature, unable to be controlled by individual wants.

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task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but expanding a bit more on each point and providing a bit more depth would enhance the overall effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
There are a couple of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'however, others have very little impact on their income stream'). Reviewing these areas can improve your clarity of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between points to ensure a seamless flow from one idea to the next. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion, exploring both views on the topic as required by the prompt.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure to the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion summing up the discussion and presenting your opinion.
task achievement
Your use of relevant examples helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • emotional appeals
  • endorsements
  • targeted messaging
  • data analytics
  • social media
  • personalize
  • effectiveness
  • psychological principles
  • scarcity effect
  • social proof
  • reciprocity
  • ubiquity
  • ad fatigue
  • desensitized
  • ad-blockers
  • overexposure
  • skeptical
  • authenticity
  • motive
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