IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #meat #health
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The debate over whether everyone should adopt a vegetarian
diet
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 to avoid
health
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 issues associated with
meat
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 consumption is a prominent one. I disagree with
this
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 statement and believe that consuming the right amount of
meat
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,
along with
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 other foods, can offer several
health
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 benefits.
To begin
Linking Words
, consuming a variety of food is crucial for a balanced
diet
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. A
diet
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 that includes foods from the five food groups: carbohydrates, proteins, fruits and
vegetables
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, dairy, and healthy fats, is preferable. As long as we consume these foods in the right portion, they should not lead to serious
health
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 issues.
Thus
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, consuming the appropriate amount of
meat
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, which is a source of proteins and iron,
together with
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 other essential nutrients, should be healthy.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 important for individuals to adopt a balanced
diet
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together with
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 regular exercise in order to avoid serious
health
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 problems. Eating only
vegetables
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 can lead to a lack of energy for daily activities and exercises that require significant effort,
such
Linking Words
 as running.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it may result in faintness and stomach-related issues.
Therefore
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, no energy from consuming only
vegetables
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 should be more concerned. In conclusion,
although
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vegetables
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 provide us with numerous benefits, it is
also
Linking Words
 significant to consume a proper amount of non-vegetable food,
such
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 as
meat
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,
along with
Linking Words
 engaging in regular exercise in order to gain essential nutrients that are important for
overall
Linking Words
health
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 and body function.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the idea that a vegetarian
diet
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 alone is significant and believe that maintaining a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is crucial.
Submitted by bellchatpavee on

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully supported with clear arguments and relevant evidence. This will strengthen your essay's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Focus on enhancing the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that your points build upon one another logically.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your arguments.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your own stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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