In some countries the average wight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes if these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
In
this
fast paced
society Add a hyphen
fast-paced
as
everyone is running behind Correct word choice
apply
money
which Change preposition
in money
is resulting
in poor Wrong verb form
results
health
conditions. This
trend seems to be more prominent in developed nations as money has taken the first place in every indivdiuals's
life. In the impending paragraphs, we will dive into the reasons behind Correct your spelling
individuals's
individual's
this
problem and some measures which can be possibly taken to reduce it.
To begin
with, there are numerous causes resulting in the issue of which the lack of time is the most predominant one. In this
fast paced
world where each and every person is racing Add a hyphen
fast-paced
for earning
more and more money, Change preposition
to earn
health
seems to have taken the back seat. As people are running around their whole day to make some extra bucks, at the end
of their day they prefer to eat something which could be cooked easily such
as instant food, or something which they can buy from outside such
as fast food. As a result
of which
Correct pronoun usage
this
health
is getting affected the most. For instance
, the number of people suffering from obestity
and heart Correct your spelling
obesity
attack
have shown an increased trend in the past years.
On the flip side, as every problem comes with Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
solution
, Correct article usage
a solution
similarly
, this
issue can be solved by simply following healthy
lifestyle. Add an article
a healthy
Additionally
, prefer eating at home cooked meals rather than eating outside as those are more nutritious and healthy. Moreover
, try taking some time from hectic schedules to do some sort of physical activities
be it dancing, exercising Fix the agreement mistake
activity
etcetra
which will result in better circulation and better Correct your spelling
etcetera
health
.
To conclude
, a person should not forget that a healthy mind resides in healthy
body and should stop risking their lives by consuming processed foods. An individual should take some time out to do some sort of Add an article
a healthy
excercise
in a day which would result in Correct your spelling
exercise
better
lifestyle.Add an article
a better
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Work on improving the flow between paragraphs. Although the introduction and conclusion are present, the transitions between ideas could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as 'obesity' and 'exercise'. These small mistakes can affect the clarity of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and relevant, providing a solid framework for the essay.
task achievement
The main points are adequately supported and the essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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