In some countries the average wight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes if these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In
this
fast paced
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fast-paced
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society
as
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apply
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everyone is running behind
money
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in money
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which
is resulting
Wrong verb form
results
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in poor
health
conditions.
This
trend seems to be more prominent in developed nations as money has taken the first place in every
indivdiuals's
Correct your spelling
individuals's
individual's
life. In the impending paragraphs, we will dive into the reasons behind
this
problem and some measures which can be possibly taken to reduce it.
To begin
with, there are numerous causes resulting in the issue of which the lack of time is the most predominant one. In
this
fast paced
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fast-paced
show examples
world where each and every person is racing
for earning
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to earn
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more and more money,
health
seems to have taken the back seat. As people are running around their whole day to make some extra bucks,
at the end
of their day they prefer to eat something which could be cooked easily
such
as instant food, or something which they can buy from outside
such
as fast food.
As a result
of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
health
is getting affected the most.
For instance
, the number of people suffering from
obestity
Correct your spelling
obesity
and heart
attack
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attacks
show examples
have shown an increased trend in the past years. On the flip side, as every problem comes with
solution
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a solution
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,
similarly
,
this
issue can be solved by simply following
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
lifestyle.
Additionally
, prefer eating at home cooked meals rather than eating outside as those are more nutritious and healthy.
Moreover
, try taking some time from hectic schedules to do some sort of physical
activities
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activity
show examples
be it dancing, exercising
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
which will result in better circulation and better
health
.
To conclude
, a person should not forget that a healthy mind resides in
healthy
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a healthy
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body and should stop risking their lives by consuming processed foods. An individual should take some time out to do some sort of
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
in a day which would result in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
lifestyle.
Submitted by kaur75971 on

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Work on improving the flow between paragraphs. Although the introduction and conclusion are present, the transitions between ideas could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as 'obesity' and 'exercise'. These small mistakes can affect the clarity of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and relevant, providing a solid framework for the essay.
task achievement
The main points are adequately supported and the essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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