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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph and pie charts show the cost for watching films and the choices of people in watching movies.

The line graph and pie charts show the cost for watching films and the choices of people in watching movies.
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The line
graph
Use synonyms
 and pie charts show the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 watching films and the choices of people in watching movies.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the line
graph
Use synonyms
 is that all options saw an upward trend over a six-year period. What stands out from the pie chart is that renting a
DVD
Use synonyms
 was the most popular category in 2005, but by 2011 it was replaced by legal downloading. Looking at the line
graph
Use synonyms
, cinema tickets started at 9, and by 2011, figures saw a gradual increase to 14. Legal download began at 7, after which it witnessed a sharp decrease by 4, and
then
Linking Words
 it grew considerably to 9.
DVD
Use synonyms
 saw a moderate growth from 6 to 8. Regarding the pie charts, in 2005, renting a
DVD
Use synonyms
 was the number-one category on the list, which accounted for over half of the
graph
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 legal download contains only half of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one-tenth.
However
Linking Words
, in 2011, renting a
DVD
Use synonyms
 declined significantly to one quarter,
while
Linking Words
 the latter boomed to 56%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the figures for going to the cinema halved, from 36% to 18%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, dvd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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