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Band 5

Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Do you agree or disagree?#

#people #person #company #money #reason #motivation
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that some reasons make
people
interest
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
show examples
 their job
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other trust that the important thing to motivation is salary, and my opinion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
this
 statement
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
 which there make
people
 survive from their
work
such
 as a wholesome
work
 environment and distance from home to workplace. On the one hand,
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
work
 environment is one of the important things that support
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 to stall motivation to
work
 in a company
while
 the loyal and friendly
co-
Fix the agreement mistake
co-workers
show examples
worker
 help
people
 to
enthusiastic
Change the word
enthusiastically
show examples
 go to
work
 and build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
 to solve problems together.
In Addition
, the leader who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
standart
Correct your spelling
standard
 of lead capability
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a good atmosphere and occupational balance that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficiency at
work
. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand, some
worker
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 about the distance between home and workplace is
crucial
Add an article
the crucial
a crucial
show examples
 reason because of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 time and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their commute
work
.
Furthermore
, when the office is far away from their home that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 high expenditure on transport,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
worker
 could
be spend
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more than 30% of their pay
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy gasoline or public transport cost. Meanwhile, They will
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more time on roads and stuck
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic where
this
 condition
direct
Verb problem
leads
show examples
 to a
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. In conclusion, Money is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 main factor that inspiration
people
 to keep
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their office.
However
, there are different reasons that make
people
 stand to
work
such
 as the good office environment and the length of distance that
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 reach.
Submitted by dinih214 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will help in clearly demonstrating your arguments.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to avoid small inaccuracies and improve overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides reasons beyond money that motivate people to stay in a job.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • career development
  • growth opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • training
  • promotions
  • positive work environment
  • supportive management
  • good relationships
  • colleagues
  • benefits
  • perks
  • health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • flexible working hours
  • company culture
  • values
  • recognition
  • rewards
  • job security
  • stability
  • economic uncertainty
  • employee loyalty
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