Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?
It is widely debated that people from poor countries often
died
Wrong verb form
die
with
Change preposition
of
a
curable Correct article usage
apply
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
due to
the unaffordable price
of medications they need, others argue that drug
companies
supposedly be responsible for increasing the accessibility of reasonable price
tablets in such
nations. The reasons why I disagree with the statement and personal
view toward Correct pronoun usage
my personal
this
worrying controversy will be elaborated on in this
essay.
To begin
with, it seem
sensible for some to believe that Change the verb form
seems
drug
companies
must be the leader
of Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
changes
for Fix the agreement mistake
change
this
intriguing trends
. Fix the agreement mistake
trend
This
is possibly
because they are Replace the adverb
possible
major
producer that can dictate the Add an article
a major
price
of this
medical remedies. Correct determiner usage
these
For instance
, India, where
Correct word choice
which
it
is known to be one of the poor countries, Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
the high price
of drugs making
several patients with a curable disease Wrong verb form
has made
turning
their back from a modern treatment and use Wrong verb form
turn
a
natural herbs and spices to cure themselves. These self-diagnosed Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
and
treatments Correct word choice
apply
leads
to Change the verb form
lead
a
wrong management for Correct article usage
the
particular
Add an article
a particular
disease
that Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
unfornately
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
bring
death Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
instead
of being healed.
However
, I personally argue in favour of alternative
focus on the government rather than the pharmaceutical business themselves, seeing that national authorities have more potential Add an article
an alternative
both
legal and financial support to tackle Change preposition
for both
with
Change preposition
apply
this
issue. It is understandable for
these Correct word choice
that
drug
producer companies
would undoubtedly reject these price
reduction scheme
for Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
a
low-income countries as most of them are privately owned, meaning that their main revenues come from Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
sale
figures. Fix the agreement mistake
sales
It is clear that
the price
for curable diseases is high in the market as several patients as it is vital. Therefore
, if the government take this
issue into account and legislation of a more
stricter bill for controlling Change the word
apply
these unreasonably high
Change the determiner
this unreasonably high price
these unreasonably high prices
price
of Add an article
the drug
a drug
drug
, they Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
are not only improve
the quality of life of the people but Change the verb form
do not only improve
also
prevent the loss of future labour as well.
In summary, although
it is undeniable that drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
companies
play a major role for
controlling the Change preposition
in
price
of medications, I am of the opinion that to resolve this
issue efficiently it is essential to get help from the government as they have more potential both
monetary support and restriction on market prices in order to create a better quality of life for their citizens.Change preposition
for both
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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay. Try to avoid switching the focus of your argument and maintain a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay logically. Ensure there is a clear progression from one paragraph to the next, and that each paragraph clearly supports your overall argument.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are fully developed and that you include relevant examples that directly support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the main argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay discusses the role of both drug companies and governments, providing a balanced viewpoint.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example