IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

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It is widely debated that people from poor countries often
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
curable
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the unaffordable
price
Use synonyms
 of medications they need, others argue that
drug
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 supposedly be responsible for increasing the accessibility of reasonable
price
Use synonyms
 tablets in
such
Linking Words
 nations. The reasons why I disagree with the statement and
personal
Correct pronoun usage
my personal
show examples
 view toward
this
Linking Words
 worrying controversy will be elaborated on in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 sensible for some to believe that
drug
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 must be the
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 of
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 intriguing
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
 because they are
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 producer that can dictate the
price
Use synonyms
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 medical remedies.
For instance
Linking Words
, India,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is known to be one of the poor countries,
due to
Linking Words
 the high
price
Use synonyms
 of drugs
making
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 several patients with a curable disease
turning
Wrong verb form
turn
show examples
 their back from a modern treatment and use
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
natural herbs and spices to cure themselves. These self-diagnosed
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
treatments
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong management for
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 that
unfornately
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 death
instead
Linking Words
 of being healed.
However
Linking Words
, I personally argue in favour of
alternative
Add an article
an alternative
show examples
 focus on the government rather than the pharmaceutical business themselves, seeing that national authorities have more potential
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 legal and financial support to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. It is understandable
for
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 these
drug
Use synonyms
 producer
companies
Use synonyms
 would undoubtedly reject these
price
Use synonyms
 reduction
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
low-income countries as most of them are privately owned, meaning that their main revenues come from
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 figures.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
price
Use synonyms
 for curable diseases is high in the market as several patients as it is vital.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the government take
this
Linking Words
 issue into account and legislation of a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stricter bill for controlling
these unreasonably high
Change the determiner
this unreasonably high price
these unreasonably high prices
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the drug
a drug
show examples
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
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, they
are not only improve
Change the verb form
do not only improve
show examples
 the quality of life of the people but
also
Linking Words
 prevent the loss of future labour as well. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 it is undeniable that
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 play a major role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 controlling the
price
Use synonyms
 of medications, I am of the opinion that to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue efficiently it is essential to get help from the government as they have more potential
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 monetary support and restriction on market prices in order to create a better quality of life for their citizens.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay. Try to avoid switching the focus of your argument and maintain a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay logically. Ensure there is a clear progression from one paragraph to the next, and that each paragraph clearly supports your overall argument.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are fully developed and that you include relevant examples that directly support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the main argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay discusses the role of both drug companies and governments, providing a balanced viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
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