IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give ur opinion

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Early childhood education plays a crucial role in
children
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's development. There is a split in opinion on whether it is necessary for parents to use childcare services, or if looking after
children
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 by their
grandparents
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 is a better way.
This
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 essay will explore
both
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 views
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and provide my personal opinion
at the end
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.
To begin
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 with, childcare organisations contribute to young learner's growth in multiple ways. The main advantage is that these centres hire professional early childhood educators who understand how to manage
children
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's behaviour, work on their progress, and support their wellbeing;
while
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grandparents
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 might lack
this
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 knowledge, following old traditions and personal experiences only.
However
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, in the educational system, the child should be considered from different perspectives based on their interests and desires.
For example
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, in Australian early childhood education, the child is been viewed as a unique individual with their own features.
Hence
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, the elders can be more critical about
this
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 learning approach, looking just from their own angle.
On the other hand
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, empathy and kindness provided by elder family members cannot be replaced by teachers.
This
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 means that teachers are not well aware of the social and cultural background of the child in depth as great as
grandparents
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.
Hence
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, acquiring knowledge from ancestors enhances essential qualities,
such
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 as respect for your family, gratitude and generosity. From my perspective,
both
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grandparents
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 and preschool educators enormously contribute to the improvement of pupils' abilities.
Hence
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, the responsibilities can be shared between
both
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 family and school to fulfil young people's personalities and even collaborate together.
For instance
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, in Melbourne, some preschool curriculums are based on parents' and teachers' collaboration, considering
both
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 views and approaching learning goals. In conclusion,
both
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grandparents
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 and school should be involved in
children
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's growth, so that young individuals will expand their cognitive and emotional skills.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. While your essay begins appropriately, making your stance clearer would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Develop your body paragraphs with specific examples to support your arguments. General statements should be underpinned by clear and detailed explanations or instances.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices and paragraph structuring effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Your essay demonstrates a logical flow, but more varied transitions and clear topic sentences could improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize your argument and restate your position. Ensure that it integrates all your points without introducing new ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childcare centres
  • Preschool age
  • Working parents
  • Carers
  • Structured environment
  • Socialisation
  • Early childhood education
  • Cognitive development
  • Motor skills
  • Emotional connection
  • Traditions
  • Continuity
  • Flexibility
  • Caregivers
  • Professional care
  • Family involvement
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