IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people spend a lot of money on weddings. Why do they do this? Do you think it is good to spend a lot of money on weddings?

#people #money #weddings
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A wedding is an important
event
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 in everyone’s life.
Therefore
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, many
people
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 organize large
weddings
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their
life-goals
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life goals
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.
While
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 some
people
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 spend a significant amount of
money
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 on
weddings
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, I believe
people
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 should spend these expenses more wisely. To elaborate, there are several reasons why
people
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 spend a lot of
money
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 on
weddings
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. First of all, a wedding is a one-day
event
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 that only happens once in our lifetime.
This
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event
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 creates cherished memories for the bride, groom and their families and friends for the rest of their
life
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lives
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.
Secondly
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, in today’s world,
people
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 often prioritize content and engagement. Hosting a huge wedding helps them achieve
this
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,
as well as
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 positioning up their social status.
Lastly
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, it may be necessary for couples with large families and big groups of friends to have a bigger wedding. It cannot be denied that the number of guests is an important factor that couples should consider when organizing their
weddings
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.
Nevertheless
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, in my point of view, spending a lot of
money
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 that we worked hard for on
such
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 an
event
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 is unnecessary.
This
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 significant amount of
money
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 should be secure for the future to be used
in
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for
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 more valuable things,
such
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 as insurance, healthcare and children’s education.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 may take out to afford enormous
weddings
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. If the couples are unable to repay these debts after the wedding, it can lead to financial struggles and family problems. In conclusion,
people
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 spend a significant amount of
money
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 on
weddings
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 to create lasting memories;
however
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,
this
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 essay argues that doing so can lead to financial difficulties and is not always the best decision.
Submitted by bellchatpavee on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Incorporate connecting words and phrases to guide the reader along your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
Include more specific and diverse examples to support your main points, making your argument stronger and more relatable to the reader.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas to maintain the reader's interest and ensure clarity and precision in your argument.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets up the essay by stating the main argument clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas with logically structured paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, reinforcing the central argument of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Extravagant
  • Lavish
  • Societal norms
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic benefits
  • Luxurious
  • Ceremonies
  • Designer outfits
  • Unforgettable experience
  • Obligation
  • Social status
  • Memorable
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Grand
  • Expectations
  • Local economy
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