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Band 6.5

Some people spend a lot of money on weddings. Why do they do this? Do you think it is good to spend a lot of money on weddings?

#people #money #weddings
A wedding is an important
event
 in everyone’s life.
Therefore
, many
people
 organize large
weddings
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their
life-goals
Correct your spelling
life goals
show examples
.
While
 some
people
 spend a significant amount of
money
 on
weddings
, I believe
people
 should spend these expenses more wisely. To elaborate, there are several reasons why
people
 spend a lot of
money
 on
weddings
. First of all, a wedding is a one-day
event
 that only happens once in our lifetime.
This
event
 creates cherished memories for the bride, groom and their families and friends for the rest of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Secondly
, in today’s world,
people
 often prioritize content and engagement. Hosting a huge wedding helps them achieve
this
,
as well as
 positioning up their social status.
Lastly
, it may be necessary for couples with large families and big groups of friends to have a bigger wedding. It cannot be denied that the number of guests is an important factor that couples should consider when organizing their
weddings
.
Nevertheless
, in my point of view, spending a lot of
money
 that we worked hard for on
such
 an
event
 is unnecessary.
This
 significant amount of
money
 should be secure for the future to be used
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more valuable things,
such
 as insurance, healthcare and children’s education.
Moreover
, some
people
 may take out to afford enormous
weddings
. If the couples are unable to repay these debts after the wedding, it can lead to financial struggles and family problems. In conclusion,
people
 spend a significant amount of
money
 on
weddings
 to create lasting memories;
however
,
this
 essay argues that doing so can lead to financial difficulties and is not always the best decision.
Submitted by bellchatpavee on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Incorporate connecting words and phrases to guide the reader along your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
Include more specific and diverse examples to support your main points, making your argument stronger and more relatable to the reader.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas to maintain the reader's interest and ensure clarity and precision in your argument.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets up the essay by stating the main argument clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas with logically structured paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, reinforcing the central argument of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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