The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
The line graph illustrates the data on the number of contributors for various ventures at the social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the phase of 2000 to 2020.
According to
my views
, the bar of film Fix the agreement mistake
view
club
display that the Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
is
extremely high in 2000 from the rest Wrong verb form
was
upto
the 64% Correct your spelling
up to
then
it becomes
Wrong verb form
became
downward
trend Correct article usage
a downward
upto
2010. But again he Correct your spelling
up to
retain
your self and Change the verb form
retains
start
upward to 66% Change the verb form
starts
at the end
of 2020. Moreover
, the martial arts and and
Remove the redundancy
apply
amateur
dramatics
in the begging martial arts get down from 38% to 32% in 2005 at
the other Change preposition
apply
hands
the Fix the agreement mistake
hand
amateur
dramatics
bar show
upward from 27% to 29% in the same interval but Wrong verb form
showed
to
Change preposition
in
the
2020 the Change the article
apply
amateur
dramatics
start downward
trend and reached to only 6% Add an article
a downward
the downward
at the end
of 2020. But in opposite the martial arts dash remains fluctuated and maintain yourself to 37%.
Furthermore
, the table tenis
Correct your spelling
tennis
show
at the start of 2000 Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
up
17% Change preposition
apply
participate
in Wrong verb form
participated
this
game but lately after 2010 the stroke
Fix the agreement mistake
strokes
show
Wrong verb form
showed
the
upward trend and Correct article usage
an
remain
at the peak of 55% just below the film Wrong verb form
remained
culb
. Correct your spelling
club
However
, in 2000 there is
no musical activity the musical performance Wrong verb form
was
is commence
in 2005 and Wrong verb form
commenced
start
from 0% but goes to 15% in 2020.
In conclusion, only Wrong verb form
started
the
Correct article usage
apply
amateur
dramatics
show
the negative effect on the people that
reduce in strength remaining all get to the high side and people love Correct pronoun usage
who
that
games and activities.Correct pronoun usage
those
Submitted by khastafojiii on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amateur, dramatics, show with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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