The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The line graph illustrates the data on the number of contributors for various ventures at the social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the phase of 2000 to 2020.

According to

Linking Words

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

, the bar of film

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

show examples

display that the

participants

Correct quantifier usage

number of participants

show examples

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

extremely high in 2000 from the rest

upto

Correct your spelling

up to

show examples

the 64%

then

Linking Words

becomes

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

downward

Correct article usage

a downward

show examples

trend

upto

Correct your spelling

up to

2010. But again he

retain

Change the verb form

retains

show examples

your self and

start

Change the verb form

starts

show examples

upward to 66%

at the end

Linking Words

of 2020.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the martial arts and

and

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

amateur

Use synonyms

dramatics

Use synonyms

in the begging martial arts get down from 38% to 32% in 2005

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the other

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

the

amateur

Use synonyms

dramatics

Use synonyms

bar

Use synonyms

show

Wrong verb form

showed

show examples

upward from 27% to 29% in the same interval but

Change preposition

show examples

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

2020 the

amateur

Use synonyms

dramatics

Use synonyms

start

downward

Add an article

a downward

the downward

show examples

trend and reached to only 6%

at the end

Linking Words

of 2020. But in opposite the martial arts dash remains fluctuated and maintain yourself to 37%.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the table

tenis

Correct your spelling

tennis

Use synonyms

show

Correct subject-verb agreement

shows

show examples

at the start of 2000

Change preposition

apply

show examples

17%

participate

Wrong verb form

participated

show examples

this

Linking Words

game but lately after 2010 the

stroke

Fix the agreement mistake

strokes

show examples

Use synonyms

show

Wrong verb form

showed

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

upward trend and

remain

Wrong verb form

remained

show examples

at the peak of 55% just below the film

culb

Correct your spelling

club

However

Linking Words

, in 2000 there

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

no musical activity the musical performance

is commence

Wrong verb form

commenced

show examples

in 2005 and

start

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

from 0% but goes to 15% in 2020. In conclusion, only

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

amateur

Use synonyms

dramatics

Use synonyms

show

Use synonyms

the negative effect on the people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

reduce in strength remaining all get to the high side and people love

that

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

games and activities.

Submitted by khastafojiii on Wed Sep 04 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words amateur, dramatics, show with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Other say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion
Some individuals say that the only excuse for the learning a international language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign landscape. These people claim that not only excuse why someone should learn a foreign language. I strongly agree that learning a foreign language should improve a person’s life byu bring a lot of bvenefits, and therefore I believe this should not be the only reason. In this essay, ı will discuss this opinion
5
band
Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?
It is argued that luck is a common aspect that is integrated with someone's process to accomplish their intentions. Even though questioning luck might benefits to enhance people's confident, I completely disagree with that view and this essay will discuss from the both sides with my own arguments.
5
band
Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
With the fact that having kids can be a life time wish for so many people, there are more individuals leaning to the decision of not having children. I am going to bring reasons and debating on pros and cons of the possible outcome in the future.
7
band
Some people say history is one of the most important school subject. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is undoubtedly true that history has a vital role even in the modern world, however, some people opine that other fields such as scientific and technological knowledge seem to have more important features. I totally believe that this phenomenon is more likely to be trustworthy for some reasons.
5
band
Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a growing contention of whether the governing bodies should prioritize healthcare or other essential aspects instead. Personally, I believe that the medical state of each citizen is crucial to a country's being compared to other areas. This is mainly because fitness is the most essential part of human's functionality, both in the micro and macro areas of life.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Other say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say history is one of the most important school subject. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?