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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period
The line graph illustrates the data on the number of contributors for various ventures at the social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the phase of 2000 to 2020.
According to
 my
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, the bar of film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 display that the
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 extremely high in 2000 from the rest
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 the 64%
then
 it
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 2010. But again he
retain
Change the verb form
retains
show examples
 your self and
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 upward to 66%
at the end
 of 2020.
Moreover
, the martial arts and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
amateur
dramatics
 in the begging martial arts get down from 38% to 32% in 2005
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
 the
amateur
dramatics
 bar
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 upward from 27% to 29% in the same interval but
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020 the
amateur
dramatics
 start
downward
Add an article
a downward
the downward
show examples
 trend and reached to only 6%
at the end
 of 2020. But in opposite the martial arts dash remains fluctuated and maintain yourself to 37%.
Furthermore
, the table
tenis
Correct your spelling
tennis
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 at the start of 2000
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
17%
participate
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
 in
this
 game but lately after 2010 the
stroke
Fix the agreement mistake
strokes
show examples
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 at the peak of 55% just below the film
culb
Correct your spelling
club
.
However
, in 2000 there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 no musical activity the musical performance
is commence
Wrong verb form
commenced
show examples
 in 2005 and
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 from 0% but goes to 15% in 2020. In conclusion, only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amateur
dramatics
show
 the negative effect on the people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 reduce in strength remaining all get to the high side and people love
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 games and activities.
Submitted by khastafojiii on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amateur, dramatics, show with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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