The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period

The line graph illustrates the data on the number of contributors for various ventures at the social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the phase of 2000 to 2020.

According to

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

, the bar of film

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

show examples

display that the

participants

Correct quantifier usage

number of participants

show examples

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

extremely high in 2000 from the rest

upto

Correct your spelling

up to

show examples

the 64%

then

becomes

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

downward

Correct article usage

a downward

show examples

trend

upto

Correct your spelling

up to

2010. But again he

retain

Change the verb form

retains

show examples

your self and

start

Change the verb form

starts

show examples

upward to 66%

at the end

of 2020.

Moreover

, the martial arts and

and

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

amateur

dramatics

in the begging martial arts get down from 38% to 32% in 2005

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the other

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

the

amateur

dramatics

bar

show

Wrong verb form

showed

show examples

upward from 27% to 29% in the same interval but

Change preposition

show examples

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

2020 the

amateur

dramatics

start

downward

Add an article

a downward

the downward

show examples

trend and reached to only 6%

at the end

of 2020. But in opposite the martial arts dash remains fluctuated and maintain yourself to 37%.

Furthermore

, the table

tenis

Correct your spelling

tennis

show

Correct subject-verb agreement

shows

show examples

at the start of 2000

Change preposition

apply

show examples

17%

participate

Wrong verb form

participated

show examples

this

game but lately after 2010 the

stroke

Fix the agreement mistake

strokes

show examples

show

Wrong verb form

showed

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

upward trend and

remain

Wrong verb form

remained

show examples

at the peak of 55% just below the film

culb

Correct your spelling

club

However

, in 2000 there

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

no musical activity the musical performance

is commence

Wrong verb form

commenced

show examples

in 2005 and

start

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

from 0% but goes to 15% in 2020. In conclusion, only

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

amateur

dramatics

show

the negative effect on the people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

reduce in strength remaining all get to the high side and people love

that

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

games and activities.

Submitted by khastafojiii on Wed Sep 04 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words amateur, dramatics, show with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
In today’s world, Technological devices are very familiar to students and they should have permission to use phones for learning purposes in order to perform better in school. I agree with this statement and this essay will contribute the facts to my agreement.
In today’s world, Technological devices are very familiar to students and they should have permission to use phones for learning purposes in order to perform better in school. I agree with this statement and this essay will contribute the facts to my agreement.
7
band
You recently received a letter from a friend asking for your advice on whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/ she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: say why she will not enjoy going to college explain why getting a job is a good idea Suggest the type of job that would be suitable.
I'm doing great and I hope You are in good health. I am writing this letter to inform you that when you complete school, you have the problem of whether to go to college or get a new business. I agree more with getting a new career. because when you continue studying at school it is extremely tiring.
<4
band
More and more students are choosing to study at college and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks
Education is the powerful asset of a person . Education is widely recognised as a tool to shape personal as well as social life . Due to the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way . In the midst of change , studing abroad become so easy and convenient . There is a colossal upsurge in the number of students who choose to do their higher studies in foreign countries. There is a range of conflicting arguments related to it's pros and cons all across the globe . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the advantage and disadvantage as well as proffer examples to justify the notion.
4.5
band
In many countries, traditional dress and costumes are considered effective way of maintaining links with the past. How effective can traditional costumer be, in this sense? What other ways exit to help citizens connect with a country’s past?
Each country has special ancient dress, and this outfit can represent the culture and history of people in that country. In my perspective customs are one of significant item to convey history and culture of specific county, there are a number of procedures to transmit heritage to new generation. In this essay, a brief explanation of this approach and some possible alternative will be explained.
4
band
You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own.write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club. In your Letter: -Introduce yourself -say why you are interested in this sports club - ask some questions about the club. e.g facilities, members, costs
l am writing this letter to ask for information about the Nur fitness sport club. I full name is gulibonu Samadova.I am studying at the western college.My college does not provide any sports facilities as of yet. However,l found new club to be the nearest sports club and would like to requst more date about it.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

In today’s world, Technological devices are very familiar to students and they should have permission to use phones for learning purposes in order to perform better in school. I agree with this statement and this essay will contribute the facts to my agreement.

More and more students are choosing to study at college and universities in foreign countries. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks

In many countries, traditional dress and costumes are considered effective way of maintaining links with the past. How effective can traditional costumer be, in this sense? What other ways exit to help citizens connect with a country’s past?