IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that people who have committed crimes should do unpaid community work such as helping a charity or cleaning the streets, rather than spending time in prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals propose that some
criminals
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 can do community work for free as a way of punishment
instead
Linking Words
 of being in prison. I strongly agree with
this
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 method because it has advantages for both
criminals
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 themselves and
charity
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organizations
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. On the one hand,
criminals
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 can have a happy life by working for
charity
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organizations
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.
This
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 is mainly because they will gain a sense of fulfilment and achievement through helping others, especially when they are helping disabled children with their daily care. They may be touched by children’s braveness to overcome disabilities so that they will be inspired to move on their remaining lives back to the majority society.
For instance
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, if one of these
criminals
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 has a natural instinct for teaching these disabled children, the person would pursue a career as a teacher once his or her punishment is over.
On the other hand
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,
charity
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organizations
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 will be beneficial because of the
criminals
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’ free work.
Criminals
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 who are paid for nothing can provide free labour for
charity
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organizations
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 which usually have limited funds.
As a result
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, these institutions can use
this
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 free labour to deliver piles of food to poor communities and train these special caregivers to look after the elderly or disabled.
For instance
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, if an enthusiastic young organizer who has no money has a kind of will to help others, the young organizer could lead a group of
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
special caregivers to solve the vulnerable communities’ problems. In conclusion, their participation in community services is a considerably good idea.
However
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, some severe
criminals
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such
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 as murderers should not be permitted to participate in unpaid community work.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task prompt, clearly expressing agreement with the idea of having criminals perform community work instead of serving time in prison. However, expand slightly more on why severe criminals should not be included in this scheme to make the argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity. Although the ideas are clear and explained well, consider using more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
Great use of specific examples to support your points, which enhances the essay's overall persuasiveness. The scenario of criminals helping disabled children and pursuing teaching careers is particularly strong.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion, in particular, neatly reinforces your main points and introduces the idea that severe criminals should be treated differently.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with each body paragraph focusing on how the proposed solution benefits different parties.
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