IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Certain undergraduates live with their families during their academic period,
whereas
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 others study in another city. In
this
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 essay, I contend that the benefits of studying in another area outweigh the drawbacks,
due to
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 independence and more likely to broaden pupils' horizons. One primary reason is that studying in a different city can be better for training independence, especially studying abroad.
For instance
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, going exotic to learn may face some challenges,
such
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 as communication obstacles. To overcome various problems,
students
Use synonyms
 need to pay more attention to enhancing their skills like communication or interpersonal skills.
Although
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 the foreign period could be a significant pressure and frustration, these negative elements will be transformed into nutrients for these
students
Use synonyms
, thereby helping them become more independent.
Furthermore
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, they might have a higher likelihood of confronting numerous difficulties more effectively later in the future. Another crucial reason is that studying in another country could broaden pupils' horizons; simultaneously learning about different cultural areas.
For example
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, some
students
Use synonyms
 are willing to study for their PhD degrees in the USA as
this
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 region provides more comprehensive academic resources
as well as
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 more sufficient offers,
such
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 as some companies where located in Silicon Valley. With these benefits, undergraduates can not only receive more adequate schooling but
also
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 learn a variety of cultures, eventually leading these
students
Use synonyms
 to obtain considerable exotic experiences. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the advantages of studying in another country outweigh the detriments.
This
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 chance assists undergraduates in cultivating independence and international experience,
while
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 they may suffer some challenges during
this
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 period.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear perspective and explanation of why living away from home during university has more benefits than drawbacks. However, there are some repetitions, and transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task achievement
While supporting points are provided, adding more specific examples or personal experiences could add depth and further justify the arguments made.
task achievement
Try to balance the sentence complexity to ensure clarity. Some sentences could be simplified for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is concise and presents the main idea effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion clearly summarizes the main points and restates the position.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant arguments regarding independence and cultural exposure, supporting the main thesis.
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