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Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for thier future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #thier #future
People
such
 as young individuals should pay attention to storing currency for their future living. I firmly agree with
this
 notion because it guarantees their lives in ageing.
In addition
, it helps them to spend their lives in adulthood independently. First and foremost, storing cash prevents the financial need for others during retirement. In fact, the young will be completely independent, and afford their special expenditures by themselves in future if they store money today.
For example
, in Iran, despite that old individuals suffer from types of illnesses
such
 as high blood pressure or heart disease, they can pay for the vast majority of medical services without using insurance or taking loans from banks.
Furthermore
, everyone will experience a sense of peace and serenity in their personal lives in adulthood provided that they save payment , particularly some parts of their income in youth.
That is
, having currency allows them to provide the best facilities for themselves and their families.
For instance
, In Tehran, elderly people are able to purchase reasonable houses and cars or enrol their children in high-quality universities because they have had the foresight in past. In conclusion,
although
 storing cash , especially during youth seems difficult, doing it is better
due to
 it allows people to support the costs, and preserve their self-esteem.
Besides
, they enjoy a peaceful life eventually by buying a home or automobile.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with the idea that the public should plan
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 future years, and save their money.
Submitted by raha.roham1994 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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