in some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very improtant fro people. why might this be the case? do you think this is positive or negative situation?
In some
countries
, owning your personal property is very crucial and necessary for some individuals. In this
essay, I will discuss the reasons for this
and look at the negative and positive aspects of this
approach.
Being an owner of your house can be really important for some reasons. Firstly
, in some countries
like Iran, due to
rising inflation and economic recession, people are usually afraid of losing money
and becoming broke. Therefore
, when individuals have an adequate amount of money
, they prefer to have their own place to live. For example
, in Iran, if you have this
chance to become an owner at a young age, you shouldn’t be concerned about your situation of residence anymore. Secondly
, estates and properties are incredible fortunes that you can pass on to the next generation. Because in most of the Middle-Este countries
, the price of them is increasing day after day. Thirdly
, when you have a personal home you are able to decorate it in your favorite way with the furniture that you really love.
From a positive point of view, as a person who rents an apartment, you may have a lot of stress because you might lose it soon. Moreover
, every year the price of renting is rising and you may not be able to afford it anymore. Therefore
, having your own house will definitely make you relieved.
From another perspective, you should consider that as an owner, you must pay heavy taxes every year. Also
, for buying a place you have to save a great deal of money
and even get a loan from the bank. In this
case, you may not be capable of spending money
on other things that you want. For example
, my father saved money
during his life and when he was 80 years old, he could eventually buy his own flat. While
he lost the pleasure of other things like travelling or having a car.
In conclusion, although
buying a home costs a fortune and you have to be patient about it, I personally believe it is necessary. Especially for individuals who are living in developing countries
due to
economic instability.Submitted by mahtaesmailian on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both the reasons behind homeownership and its positive and negative aspects. However, try to delve more deeply into each reason to enhance your response. Additional statistical data or research findings could further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using connectors like 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', etc., can improve the flow.
language
There are minor grammatical and lexical inaccuracies. Pay attention to word choices (e.g. 'Middle-Este' should be 'Middle East') and check for subject-verb agreement errors. Revise sentences for clarity (e.g. 'you shouldn’t be concerned about your situation of residence anymore' could be rephrased to 'you wouldn't have to worry about your living situation anymore').
introduction conclusion present
The essay starts with a clear introduction that presents the task and outlines the structure of the essay.
supported main points
Your essay provides relevant specific examples to support your points, such as the situation in Iran and the example of your father.
logical structure
You have made good use of paragraphs to separate different points, which helps in maintaining clarity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example