IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that a significant amount of time and money is allocated to the conservation of wild animals, suggesting that these resources could be better utilized for the benefit of the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

#people #amount #time #money #conservation #animals #resources #benefit #population
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Several humans think that using resources like
money
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 and time for humanity is more beneficial than conserving wild
animals
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. I agree with
this
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 statement because managing
money
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 for
people
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 can create a lot of important opportunities that can be used for them. Allocating the
money
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 for rare
animals
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 has several aspects
such
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 as diminishing the extinction rate and serving resources for researchers to study.
Conservation
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 can save the
animals
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 from being attacked by hunters or suffering from bad weather.
In addition
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,
conservation
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 like a zoo can decrease the stress level of
animals
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.
Besides
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, it creates the best possibility for scientists and researchers to know deeper details about wild populations.
In addition
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, young
people
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 can study more about wild
animals
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 in safe places or conservations.
For example
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, students go to zoos to see some attractions or breed rare
animals
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such
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 as the Sumatran Tiger, Wild Panda, and so on.
However
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, if the senate still chooses the
conservation
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 to use the resources,
people
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 will suffer from the hardest circumstances year by year. There are several problems that the council should tackle regarding humanity.
For instance
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, poverty and criminality rates are still the biggest obstacles that the government must handle.
Nevertheless
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, the council can use huge amounts of
money
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 to manage society
such
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 as building infrastructure like schools, hospitals, and green areas.
Furthermore
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, creating a lot of industrial sectors is the most important because it creates an opportunity for
people
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 to go to work. In conclusion, I believe that utilizing the
money
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 for the human population has several benefits for humanity rather than use for
conservation
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.
However
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,
conservation
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 still needs to be existed for wildlife
conservation
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.
Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on

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task response
To improve your score, provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will help in effectively illustrating your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there is a logical progression between ideas. This can enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to further elaborate on your ideas, making them more comprehensive and detailed. This will add depth to your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good overall structure to your essay.
task response
You have addressed the task and presented a relevant argument, which shows your engagement with the topic.
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