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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

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In the recent epoch, smartphones have become quintessential elements in
children
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's lives.
While
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 there are proponents who advocate using mobile
phones
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 at a young age, there are opponents who have a diverse perspective. I am of the belief that minors use their mobiles to entertain themselves.
However
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, I consider it a deleterious habit because it leads to serious behavioural issues. In the beginning,
children
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 have been using gadgets for a plethora of reasons
such
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 as communicating with their friends or spending their free
time
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 playing games. To explain, when they feel bored or depressed, they decide to enjoy their
time
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 playing on their
phones
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.
For example
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, as per a study conducted by
Time
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 magazine revealed that playing PUBG has consumed an immense
time
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, and it was used predominantly by minors.
Thus
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, what can be said is that dependents spend their leisure
time
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 using various applications on their cutting-edge devices.
Moreover
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, despite agreeing on the importance of entrainment, the overuse of mobiles has led to detrimental effects on juniors' personalities. If they get used to holding their
phones
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 frequently, they will be addicted to it, and they will be isolated from their families.
For instance
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, research published by the World Health Organization showed that some
children
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 have become introverted because they are attached to their virtual world.
Therefore
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, it is assumed that overusing portable
phones
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 has made catastrophic character changes. In conclusion, by highlighting the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that the imperative cause of utilising smartphones is for playing. I am a staunch believer that
phones
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 have become double-edged swords because they have malignant impacts on the development of
children
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's personalities.

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task achievement
Make sure each argument is fully developed with relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transition between paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the main topic and positions.
task achievement
The use of real-world studies and examples supports the arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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